“I know all my patterns…I know all my stories…now what!?” Many times I have heard this frustration spoken in my counseling sessions. Many of them are conscious in connecting deeper to the persons they are meant to be, striving to come to balance and wholeness.
One of the hardest things to embrace in life is “self-love” or the acceptance of one’s self, warts and all. It is because our personalities are colored by too much conditioning from the moment of our birth — that we need to be exactly how society dictates we should be, following family and cultural guidelines. It’s sad but true, this conditioning. When we let the collective unconscious seep into our brains, we come to believe the cultural, family, or societal lies about our limitations. Then we are trapped, and further bind ourselves by trying to fix ourselves. Always trying to fix what we perceive as “broken” or “unacceptable” parts of ourselves.
We are constantly trying to come to a point to take out one layer of conditioning and accept the real person we are inside. This journey to self-love can often take a lifetime! To try to awaken and celebrate our own uniqueness, fighting against the weight of past conditionings that always seems to rear its ugly head from deep in the subconscious as we hear voices of our parents, our preachers, our teachers.
We also carry imprints of past lives unfinished within our cell memories. We carry our collective unconscious of family, culture, ties that bind us to what we define our very limited personalities to be. And our minds’ borders are of conditioned thoughts and patterns that box us in. We waste our energies with defeatist attitudes. To see only our darkness, patterns and issues is to avoid the wholeness of our true self.
How often have we said “I can’t do that as I don’t have the skill,” “I can’t lose weight, I just don’t have the will power,” “I don’t have the money,” “I don’t think I can run my race better due to this injured foot.” We need to recognize these self-defeating mechanisms in our minds that always stop us. Our fixed mindset creates negative “periods” for every sentence, idea or thought. These are game stoppers. Have we tried to keep the ellipses going in a sentence…for the next thought or possibility to arise?
Today, there is a real movement of people awakening. I guess also because the speed of life, the global changes and the times we are in is forcing this awakening to happen. First it was a movement of rebellion against the status quo, today this rebellion has shifted to stepping away, questioning what is dictated. And with clarity, see the values that form the foundations we stand on in this process of questioning. The personal voice is beginning to be heard through the explosion of social media, one’s uniqueness is even being celebrated (some to a point that shakes what we embrace as ethical, per belief systems).
Self-love’s survival means a constant diving. Inside. One sweet discovery that my meditation practice has gifted me with is this: WE ARE ALREADY WHOLE. Well, I know I am not alone in saying this as many who have gone deep into their own search have found this out…we are already whole, brilliant in that inner space if we can but find our way back there. The journey back, and moving deep into our own inciting and silence, is moving through all our neurosis, fears, shadow sides, our stories of inadequacy, or not belonging.
Letting go of our wholeness requires releasing our grip on all our limited self-identities (gender, religion, our work, etc.) and this is why self-love is very scary to us. Self-love needs a strong warrior’s heart. What is called weak in the general cultural consciousness is actually powerful. A willingness to know your own divinity, your own wholeness requires a mental surrender of what is known. We each know our cultural and self-imposed labels…what is unknown to us now is this wholeness, is the greatness we find inside us.
Finding this inside is the fruit of a spiritual practice. For me, it has been my meditation, yoga and prayer that allow these deep dives into that space where I capture the peace beyond understanding, the preciousness and sacredness of the moment. Other friends have journeyed into nature, into creating art, doing photography or their running. Others have used friendships, groups and community gathering to experience their wholeness. Whatever we choose to use for our dive with the intent to love all parts of ourselves is valid. But always, we need to start from a place of wholeness.
I once read this beautiful saying that goes something like this: that we each are the Universe peeping out from our eyes, the universal energy of creation expressed in our actions as only we can express it, and the Creator-God expressing Himself through our lives. God reveals Him-Her-Itself in each and everyone of us. Stop trying to fix yourself and BE yourself!