Welcome to the Land of Utopic Virginity

I am not a virgin anymore.

This statement, albeit simple enough, can rock the very foundation of any traditional Filipino household. I know it raised a truckload of eyebrows in mine. And I had it easy, as my family just chooses not to talk about it all that much. I pity gals who are still experiencing guilt trips.

But why, anak?! Don’t you fear the Lord?! You come with us to Mass every Sunday… and receive Holy Communion! Shame on you for destroying the very temple of the Holy Spirit! You can go straight to hell if you die tomorrow, hija.

Take note: hija. It’s always a matter of gender. Why is it always a case of national emergency when it comes to us chicks having anything to do with sex? Nobody ever seems to give a rat’s ass if their strapping young lad goes out there and comes back a "man."

Having said that, let me segue to the first issue up for debate: female virginity.

Sure, one can easily argue that the Maria Clara culture has been passed on from our fore-muthers, and veering from such morality will grant you more than a visit from Lola Inday and the rest of her mahjong quartet from the netherworld.

In my humble (yet brutal) opinion, the whole cultural construct of virginity has clouded the fact that it is–more than anything else– a physical experience. The purpose of sex is to reproduce, not to make your guilt and stress levels rise to kingdom come, nor make your societal reputation drop to embarrassing lows.

If you are a woman, that is.

Which brings me to the next point of contention: Male virginity.

If a man says, "I am still a virgin," you’d in all likelihood laugh. See, you’re laughing already. It’s so not funny. Why is it such an impossible thing to believe that guys within puberty onwards can’t possibly keep their loins in check long enough to proudly call themselves virgins? And the sadder thing is, even if they have kept it, why are they so abashedly ashamed to admit it?

I’d like to go incognito and witness a testosterone-induced locker room conversation. Isn’t it enough to compare prick sizes and have a couple good laughs at the less endowed (much like gals do with marshmallow breasts… only we have salvation weapons such as the Wonderbra, or insertable silicon thingos)? Or does "scoring" always play a vital role in butting track records?

What a classic case of reverse self-reproach. Chicks are called whores when they do sleep around, and guys are dubbed as dorks if they don’t. It’s a cruel, cruel world we live in.

I’d like to be a little bit of a savior and dispel that whole annoying double standard, stereotypical, backward-thinking black hole we Pinoys have fallen into with respect to the whole virginity battle. Hell, I’d like to go as far as making it a campaign for individual rights! Time to free our minds and hearts of criticism with respect to what others choose to do (or not do) with themselves.

Nevertheless, before I dare defend anyone who merely chooses to dive into things without having some sort of cranial lucidity, or those who make decisions on the sheer virtue of the fact that they have no balls of their own, let me delve into a few NO-NOs when it comes to choosing to LOSE it or USE it. Virginity, that is.

Pregnancy and the Pretend Priss

I hate liars. Always have. And this whole concept of "pretend"? Makes my blood boil. Why would you, say, dress up in immaculate white, be the leader of your church group, preach about the value of "saving yourself," then turn around and sleep with every Boy and Caloy? Or better still, look like a complete slut, bare everything but your nipples and ass crack to the whole of humanity, then expect to be treated like a lady!

Self-expression can only go so far. Do you honestly believe that Britney Spears is a virgin? She claims that she learned how to gyrate in belly-dancing class. Uh-huh.

If a teenager happens to lose her virginity and get pregnant, however, it can happen that a) the baby gets aborted to give its sad mother a childhood she could have lost which equals murder (I don’t care who thinks a fertilized embryo isn’t a life… I strongly believe it is), or b) the sad lass weds to keep her family at a respectable societal level, only to find herself divorced years down the line. (Okay, so it’s a bit pessimistic. It’s always good to expect the worst and hope for the best. Besides, it drives the point home way quicker.)

So to all you out there planning on losing your virginity, if you happen to be:

a) Catholic –Don’t toss over the blame of unsafe sex to the heavens; get a clue under Commandments 101 that the act of fornication does indeed fall under rule #6: Thou shall not commit adultery (and be stupid enough to get knocked up).

Better still, just don’t do it at all.

b) Anything else –Don’t fall for that puppy dog face of your boyfriend/partner/experimental bud when he says it won’t be good for him if he has to use rubber. Or if you’re dumb enough to believe him, do your homework and get yourself protected.

Defrosted frigid-airs

I’d like to give out a heaping bucket of applause to males who have mustered enough self-control to accomplish the impossible.

Not that male virginity should be viewed as an impossibility. However, I myself was a victim of sociological black propaganda against any guy virgin past his teens. I guess it’s just become such a standard that guys often equate everything with sex around 99 percent of the time.

All their favorite activities have sporadic occurrences of little "reminders" of it. Not even sports is free of possible sexual connotations!

But more than this problem being that of society attacking these poor chastised cornballs (see, I did it again!), it’s safe to say that it’s just as much–if not more–the fault of all those existing male virgins who would rather hide in the shadows and remain anonymous. The shame of coming out in the open is just too much to bear!

True, some things should just be kept in the dark. Like third nipples. But saying you’re a virgin if you’re a guy is not one of those things you should be ashamed to admit. It must be difficult to belong to a species of chauvinistic idiots.

Seriously, I refuse to defend any male virgin who cannot be loud and proud about it. I think it’s quite admirable to stand up for what you believe in–even though it goes against the grain.

On the flipside, I cringe at the sight and sound of posers pretending to have had all the experience, when all they’ve ever really done was pleasure themselves with their fathers’ ancient Playboy mags.

So please, if all you’re willing to offer is a lot of toxic smoke coming out of your ass about your supposed sexual conquests that are, sad to say, non-existent–just shut up.

And by the same token, if you’re not willing to stand up for your frigid beliefs, whatever the hell are you keeping your loins tied up for?

At the end of the day

I think the main reason why virginity is put on a pedestal is that–once it falls from way up there–one can never get it back. Not that it’s a bad thing necessarily. It’s all a matter of perspective. For women, it’s a choice to break away from the norm. For men, it’s a choice to deal with a call to manliness. What I’m after cannot be tainted black or white. This whole gray arena is something I’d like to christen as the realm of personal conviction.

Be whoever it is you choose to be. Virgin. Slut. Prude. Wanker. Priss. Stud. But be sure to be able to stand up for what it is you decide on, having taken all the positive pointers life has thrown you along the way. And if you have to say sorry, do so–but learn from it. After all, nobody expects you to be perfect. Just honest.