How would you compare love and courtship in the Philippines then and now?

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Renato Taylan, Ilocos Norte: Love and courtship then was cumbersome and tedious. Now, it’s easier and faster. However, the degree of satisfaction in those relationships remains the same.  

Chris Navarro, Las Piñas City: There was courtship before, but now no more.

The way we were

Concepcion Gaspar, Laoag City: Love and courtship during our time was still old-fashioned or traditional compared to the present. Sex videos and pornographic magazines were taboo before, unlike now when sex education has become part of the curriculum. The Western culture has a very strong influence on our youth today. No wonder there are lots of teenage pregnancies due to premarital sex or prostitution. Because of the complexities of life, we have so many needs and wants, pushing both parents to work hard and neglect their roles as parents. Gone are the days when young Romeos would serenade their lady loves. Now, one can have a girlfriend through the Internet or via text.

Benjamin Nillo, Las Piñas City: Love and courtship in the yesteryears were often expressed in Ruben Tagalog’s songs under the moonlight. Lovers were content with those meaningful songs.

Patrick Miranda, Marikina City: I know people who no longer believe in courtship which, I think, is wrong. I still believe in the old-fashioned ways, like when my dad courted my mom.

Geeann Rivera, San Pablo City: Before, men had to make a lot of effort just to win a girl’s heart. Courtship now happens in an instant because of texting. I like the traditional way, that’s why I’m still single.

Sahlee Reyes, Las Piñas City: Basically, the Filipino culture of courtship then was the harana style. The man trying to woo the lady love would serenade her from beneath her window. He would visit the girl’s family, introducing himself to the parents and kissing the girl’s parents’ hands as a sign of respect. Then, he would ask permission to court the girl. He would then visit the girl regularly and do menial tasks so as to prove the sincerity of his love and good intentions for the lady love. Sa panahon ko, uso pa rin noon sa probinsiya ang mga dalaw, love letters, pasundo-sundo sa school, kain sa canteen, hatid sa bahay. But this present generation is a shocker to me. While it may be true that some guys still adhere to the old style of courtship in the 1970s, what is more “in” today is MU (mutual understanding). Kahit new acquaintance, basta magtama ang mga mata at magkasundo ang ugali, boyfriend na. And mind you, sex outside marriage is prevalent these days. It’s so sad that the old culture of courtship is just a thing of the past.

Modern love

Col. Ben Paguirigan Jr., Ret., Zamboanga City: There’s a whale of a difference! Before, wooing a lady love meant serenading with the use of guitars, doing menial jobs for the family, etc. Now, they use high-tech equipment.

Jim Veneracion, Naga City: Love and courtship in the past were ultra-conservative; now, it’s ultra-modern. Sadly, the compelling reason for marriage is premarital pregnancy.

Rico Fabello, Parañaque City: It’s like the guitar versus the cellphone.

Johann Lucas, Quezon City: Love and courtship before was done through pamamanhikan and harana, but now love and courtship is done through text and chat.

Jose Parco, Aklan: Back in the early ’70s, courtship took a lot of perseverance and patience and it was eons before you could even get to the point of holding hands with a fair maiden. At present, with the Internet and mobile phone technology, I could say love and courtship move in nanoseconds!

Jose Fabello Jr., Cagayan de Oro City: It’s basically the same, only the mode has changed. Today, saying “I love you” and seeing each other are made simpler and faster by modern technology, thanks to cellphones and the Internet.

Rey Onate, Palayan City: The difference is the cellphone. First stage: textmates; second stage: eyeball; third stage: “develop” stage; fourth stage: elopement.

Ricardo Tolentino, Laoag City: Love and courtship then was through guitars and love letters. These days, it’s through text and email.

Rey Ibalan, Antipolo City: The style then of wooing a loved one was very traditional. Today, with new technology, courtship is done in an instant.

Flowers and chocolates still work

Manny Cordeta, Marikina City: First, congratulations for this very interesting query just in time for the love month of February! Love and courtship then: Love letters to a lady love; regular house visitations, after the getting-to-know you rituals with the girl’s parents; domestic services for the girl’s abode by the suitor, like gathering wood, at least in the countryside, for cooking purposes, fetching water and other modes just to win a lady’s heart. With the advent of modern technology, here’s what love and courtship are like now: emails and instant messages are sent through the Internet, text messages, cellphones and other common gadgets are now harnessed to woo a lady love. Ah! Flowers, chocolates and other goodies are expressions of love that are still common in both scenarios. Mabisa pa naman.

Men used to respect the women

Henrietta Caoile, Baguio City: Love and courtship then were more intimate, sweeter and more lovable. Boys respected girls; they never took their love for each other for granted.

Dino Monzon, Caloocan City: Love and courtship styles then were better, with both genders more respectful of one another. Men earned their right to court their paramours.

Rose Leobrera, Manila: During my Lola’s time, it was more romantic, because of the harana. In my Ma’s time, courting was done with finesse and men were chivalrous. They were very courteous towards women, and women then were mahinhin. Just by virtue of that, they were given respect by men. Di nga makalapit basta-basta noon eh, naga-alangan sila. Men would usually visit the girl of his dreams in her house to show the sincerity of his intentions. Ligawan noon, madugo, pahabaan ng taon to make kilatis. When I was a young lady myself, men in our province were gentlemen. They would come to the house and bring gifts, like fruits or food na ani nila. Now, in this age of texting, the new generation do their courtship through text. I feel sorry for the young ladies because they don’t experience being accorded utmost importance and extra loving care by their suitors.

Things happen faster nowadays

Medel Verzosa, Ilocos Sur: Love and courtship then was more exciting, dramatic, intense and laborious. Today, everything happens so fast without an analysis of the consequences.

Gerii Calupitan, Muntinlupa City: Love and courtship in RP? Noong sila Rogelio dela Rosa, Gloria Romero, Nida Blanca, Nestor de Villa, FPJ, et al., mayroon pa. Decades ago, such endangered practices became extinct. As Neil Young and the Buffalo Springfield sang in the 1970s, “Sit down, I think I love you.” Or, as The Doors satirically sang in 1968, “Hello, I love you, won’t you tell me your name?” Instant na lahat. Now, we ape what Caucasians are doing, to the extent of being ridiculously funny!

Lydia Reyes, Bataan: Quite different. Uso ngayon ang isang linggong pag-ibig. Gone are the days of true love and long courtship.

E. Linsangan, Isabela: Years back, courtship took place in the house of the woman. It would take a man weeks, months, or even years, before the woman he loved would give her matamis na oo. Today, one week or two is considered too long. Courtship takes place everywhere: In schools, in buses, in parties, etc. It happens, especially between young people, that nagkatinginan lang at konting bolahan, bagsak na ang Bataan.

Dennis Acop, Baguio City: Over time, societal traditions surrounding love and courtship have evolved to become more relaxed and informal. We used to hear stories about how grandpa literally went through the proverbial eye of the needle just to win grandma. If anything, grandma better not commit the fatal error of “sleeping over” grandpa’s house or she would find herself an instant husband the next day. When it was time for dad to court mom, things became a bit more relaxed, but the formality was still there to a large extent. With today’s generation, hardly do you see any formal courtship going on. Young men and women ordinarily go out on a date without the necessity of seeking permission from their elders. At times, it is even the ladies who go after the men. Often, boyfriends and girlfriends behave as if they are already married. In short, the courtship phase appears to have been drastically shortened to the point of insignificance. Hopefully, the diminution of courtship’s significance does not result in the diminution of love.

Jayvee Pangilinan, Metro Manila: Courtship before was very traditional. Men made a lot of effort to win a woman’s and her parents’ hearts. Nowadays, traditional courtship no longer exists for younger people, except for those aged 30 and above, who were exposed to traditional courtship practices courtesy of their parents. For teenagers, young professionals, and those who have no choice but to marry because of old age, going into a deeper relationship is a piece of cake. I guess this is because of the cultural change due to globalization.

Love is more sensual now

Felmar Rowell Singco, Allen, Northern Samar: Love and courtship in the Philippines, then and now: Then, it was romantic, expectant, respectful, geared towards marriage, traditional, modest, and innocent; now, it is lustful, immediate, disrespectful, not geared for marriage but for sex, unusual and uncommon, immodest, and some times malicious. This is only a generalization and does not apply to all cases.

C.B. Manalastas, Manila: Noon daw, no kiss, no touch, nag-iigib, nagsisibak ng panggatong ang manliligaw. Ngayon kasama na ng pahawak kamay, halik at kung, makakalusot, sex.

Manuel Abejero, Pangasinan: Courting is now more an expression of lust and mundane desire. Wowowee, Eat Bulaga, and Banana Split show scantily clad women dancing before young audiences in our very own living rooms. We used to watch these kind of shows at the opera house! Only those who were 18 years and above were allowed inside. Today, it’s free for all; you don’t even have to say anything, titig at ngiti lang, ayos na.

Alexander Raquepo, Ilocos Sur: I believe traditions on love and courtship still exist today. The difference, though, is that premarital sex and pregnancy before marriage seem to be prevalent.

Joe Nacilla, Las Piñas City: Before, moral values were highly observed and respected. To court a woman, men passed through complex efforts for years before they could earn her “yes”. Women before had strong control of their emotions and feelings. Even if she was deeply in love with a man, she hid her feelings and just waited and prayed he would court her sooner or later. They wore decent dresses that would not sexually attract men. Now, morality has disappeared. If a girl likes a man, she’ll make the first move. They now apply all kinds of beauty products to look sexy and attractive and display themselves in malls and plazas. They wear skirts with long slits at the back, which means “Come and follow me.” Or skirts with slits at the side, which means “Come and sit beside me.” Holding hands, kissing in public places and even touching the private parts are already a normal process in love affairs.

Women are more aggressive nowadays

Ella Arenas, Pangasinan: There’s a big difference. Noon, si lalake did the courting; ngayon, it’s the girl. Noon, the boy made ligaw sa house; ngayon, he does the courting in malls, restaurants, parks, or even through the cellphone. Noon, it was true love if you eventually ended up in the altar; ngayon, he impregnates you then leaves you. See the difference? Kulang pa ‘yan.

Germi Sison, Cabanatuan City: When I was a young Tenorio, I wrote love letters to the object of my love. I would prepare those love letters for almost a month. When the letter was already sent, I could not look straight at her. I was always nervous every time we met and could not speak clearly. That could be the reason why I failed to have a girlfriend in my budding years. When my naughty son first had a girlfriend, I asked him how he did it. “Sabi ko lang sa kanya ‘Trip kita’, tapos on na kami,” was his answer. I counseled him to respect the girls. He answered, “Sila naman ang nauuna.” I cannot count how many girlfriends he had had before he finally settled down. I find some women today aggressive. That is why live-in relationships and single mothers are now common. But there are still some women endowed with our old-time traditions of being careful in choosing their husband. May their tribe flourish.

Robert Young Jr., San Juan: It used to be that men were the aggressor; now, women also go after the men. Women used to take vows of chastity before marriage; now, it is common for couples to engage in premarital sex. Many even live together without the sanctity of marriage. It used to be that couples were united for life; marriage breakups are common nowadays.These trends could be part of liberalization in modern times.

Noel Banias, Metro Manila: As recent as 10 years ago, love and courtship in the country became modern, to put it mildly. It is not uncommon for girls of today to go to the homes of their boyfriends and make the required “courtesy call”. The act, had it been done by a girl during the past, would have easily branded the girl as a “pok-pok”. Today, the more liberal of us just shrug their shoulders and say, “We have to keep up with the times.” The required home visit of a boyfriend to his girl’s house is almost a thing of the past.

I. Calata, Parañaque City: When it comes to love, I don’t think it has changed. Now, like then, relationships between couples who are very much in love in the beginning are rarely founded on solid ground. Maraming hiwalayan noon, marami pa ring naghihiwalay ngayon! But there are big differences between courtship then and now. I know of uncles and other relatives who serenaded women because in many instances, I went with them in moonlit nights to serenade their objects of love. It’s also shown in old films, just like those depicted in the movies where the swains even go to the extent of serving the family of the girl in her house which delighted, kuno, the would-be mother-in-law. But when I grew up to be a man and studied in Manila, all of those things seemed to have become passé already. Noon, padiga-diga pa, ngayon nagkakaintindihan na sa pamamagitan ng kwentuhan at pakita ng bait on the part of the man. Noon, may pakipot pa ang babae, now girls show interest in no quizzical terms, and in very open fashion.

Let me count the ways

Eddie Yap, Bacolod City: Love and courtship in our country before was serious, meaningful and done with decency. It was a norm for a guy to visit his girl in presentable attire. The girl would introduce him to her parents and they engaged him in sensible conversation. It was improper for a boy to overstay and he knew when it was time to leave. Presently, most girls and boys find themselves “on” after a casual meeting at a friend’s overnight birthday bash. The boy just picks up his girl at the gate of her house without bothering to get to know her parents. Likewise, the girl doesn’t bother to introduce her boyfriend to her parents. The boy’s visits could extend up to 12 midnight and he could help himself to whatever snacks in the freezer, as if he were at home. Those are just some of the few differences in love and courtship then and now, but there’s a lot more.

Parents are the last to know

Gerry del Cano, Muntinlupa City: Before, parents knew who was courting whom; now, the parents are not aware that they are lolos and lolas already.

Ruel Bautista, Laguna: In the past, we had to court parents before we could even step on first base; now, parents are the last to know.

The essence of love is the same

C.B. Fundales, Bulacan: The spirit behind love and courtship in the country, as anywhere else, remains the same. It’s only that the ABCs have been changed by norms and progress.

Pedro Alagano Sr., Vigan City: Only the mode of courtship has been innovated due to hi-tech, but the mode of love is quite the same. Just look and listen to see the difference.

Felix Ramento, Manila: What would be the difference? To love is the purpose of our existence, regardless of how we seek it.

Erwin Espinosa, Pangasinan: Why, may difference ba? I think that love and courtship for romantic Pinoys, then and now, could be the same.

Women are luckier today

C.K. Yeo, Iloilo City: Women are luckier today. They have a say in matters of love. Before, they had to follow the wishes of their parents. Parents decided the fate of their daughters. Today, women can choose their lifetime partner. After having several children, the second wife of a well-known politician even eloped with her boyfriend. So with the concubine of an infamous tycoon. His nth young concubine eloped with her boyfriend one day before they formalized their relationship. Both women are in America. Woman power! 

It’s more Westernized now

Elpidio Que, Vigan: Even in terms of feelings, we are a great “Xerox” race. The love and courtship of the likes of Crisostomo Ibarra and Maria Clara has long gone with the wind in the Philippines, like in America. However, there are still people who value love, subscribing, till their last breath, to their vows.

Moral values were observed before

Leonard Villa, Batac City: Before, love and courtship were so sacred, and morality was treasured. Now, morality has been sidelined and liberalism has invaded and ruled the youth.

Views expressed in this section do not necessarily reflect the editorial position of The STAR. The STAR does not knowingly publish false information and may not be held liable for the views of readers exercising their right to free expression. The publication also reserves the right to edit contributions to this section as it sees fit.

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