From the ashes of grief rises a healing center

Two years ago yesterday, Gina de Venecia, wife of Speaker Jose de Venecia, was disconsolate. She saw her house burn, her 16-year-old daughter Kristina Casimira or KC, trapped inside.

Though KC’s sudden death left her devastated, Gina struggled to transform her grief into a crusade to help other bereaved mothers cope with theirs. Yesterday, with President Arroyo as special guest, Gina inaugurated the INA Healing Center at the Department of Social Welfare and Development compound at the Batasan Hills in Quezon City. "INA," which means "mother," also stands for Inang Naulila sa Anak (or "mothers who have lost their children.)"

"The grief will never go away, the pain, the sadness, the memories," said Gina at the sidelines of the inauguration of the 1,000-square-meter center, in whose gardens the bereaved mothers released thousands of butterflies symbolic of the short but beautiful lives of their children.

One of the butterflies perched itself on Speaker De Venecia’s right shoulder, flitted to his collar, then eventually to his left shoulder – staying there during the entire ceremony, even as he stood up to deliver a speech.

Gina believes that was KC, making her presence felt, and "embracing her father."

Gina says the healing center rose from the ashes of her grief, and the grief of a tightly knit group of bereaved mothers who form the INA Foundation.

"Eventually you learn to live with the pain, and in my case, I just made it an inspiration to help others and to do more good. It’s sad, but because of KC’s loss, we now have a big burn unit at the Philippine General Hospital, fire suits in each fire department so firemen can rush into burning buildings and rescue trapped victims, and now, this healing center." (During the fire that gutted the De Venecias’ Dasmariñas Village home, firemen were not able to enter the burning structure because they were poorly equipped.)

"A mother’s love is greater than death," says Ali Sotto, another bereaved mother behind the center. Ali lost her son Miko three years ago when he accidentally fell from the balcony of a high-rise building.

According to Gina, the INA Healing Center, designed by architect Dan Lichauco gratis, "will serve as a sanctuary for ‘orphaned’ mothers, where they will be with people who can understand and empathize with their pain."

The two-story building has a Meditation Room for therapy sessions, a Pillow Room for counseling, a Library, a Prayer Room and a Conference Room.

Speaker De Venecia provided the seed money to construct the center, which is the first project of the INA Foundation, founded by Gina and Ali.

The inauguration of the center, said Ali, "is the beginning of a journey that we will share with all mothers."

For Ali, the center is the result of a sacrifice she did not want to make, but was chosen to make, nevertheless.

"There was a price to pay for this advocacy. You’re a reluctant servant. You’re called, but it’s God who put you in a place from where he asks you to serve. You’re reluctant, but you surrender," she says.

"This center is a symbol of a mother’s great love," adds Ali. "And how it has overcome death."

President Arroyo, speaking at inauguration rites at the center, urged the public to also reach out to bereaved mothers in typhoon-ravaged areas like the Bicol region, Occidental Mindoro and Marinduque. She expressed her admiration for Gina and the other members of INA, "for using their grief to make life better for others."

Bibi Yu, who also lost her son Xavier to an accidental fall, says that despite the "brokenness" of mothers who have lost their children, they "can learn to live life again."

Bibi said the healing center will take grieving mothers "from a place of a grief to a place of hope."

The DSWD, with the help of local government units and with INA members as mentors, will train barangay health workers nationwide to serve as grief counselors.

Bereaved mothers can also walk into the center anytime, where they can avail of counseling, free of charge.

Gina says this is the first healing center for mothers in the Philippines, and possibly Asia. She said bereaved mothers need a strong support system, "because the Philippines is a matriarchal society and when the mother becomes dysfunctional because of her grief, her house falls apart."

The other officers of the INA foundation are Catherine Guballa, Roselia Lagdameo, Lorna Kapunan, Dolores Liwanag, Precy Meneses, Ting Mañalac, Irma Santiago, Bibi Yu, Baby Tiaoqui and Menchie Abalos. The center will become fully operational in January.