Billy Crawford: ‘I forgot who I am’

MANILA, Philippines - “It’s so hard to love someone and to continue if I don’t even love myself, if I’m unhappy. I can’t force her to be a certain person that I want her to be. And vice versa, she wasn’t able to force me being someone that she thought I am.”

Thus said Billy Crawford in an interview with ABS-CBN’s showbiz talk show “The Buzz”  on Sunday, July 28 when asked why he and Nikki Gil broke up.

The visibly emotional Billy said the split “all boils down” to him and that he’s “very lost.”

“It’s an indescribable feeling. It’s like all this negativity, confusion, sadness, the hurt… Nikki has not been anything apart from good to me,” he said of the breakup.

He added: “She is a dream come true when it comes to finding the right one. But it’s hard to find the right one kung ikaw mismo, you’re not right.”

"I forgot what makes me happy. I forgot who I am. I don’t know what I’m doing, because all I know how to do or all I know what to do is to work. It’s been almost 26 years, I’ve been in this industry. And this is the first time I’ve ever felt this way."

Don’t blame Nikki

The “It’s Showtime” host said he’s leaving for the United States next week, August 3, to spend time with his parents amid the breakup.

He also asked the public not the blame Nikki for what happened between them.

“She has no fault. I am not a perfect guy. I’m not a perfect person. I’ve done things in my life that I regret. And she supported me, she understood,” Billy said.

Related article: It's official: Billy and Nikki call it quits

“I’m the one who’s completely lost and I’m searching,” he added.

Nikki tried to save the relationship, Billy revealed but he “just wasn’t there; I wasn’t myself.”

“I tried but she (Nikki) really stuck it out, I have to admit. And I’m admitting this because I respect her," he said.

‘Save me’

Billy thanked their supporters and asked for their forgiveness.

“Pasensiya na kayo. Sa lahat ng sumuporta sa relationship namin ni Nikki, I think I can say for the both of us, we really thank you because it did give us strength. But I’m sorry,” he said.

He added: “I really apologize to everyone that fought because it’s really pressuring, to be honest with you, na you’re perceived as one of the looked-up and ideal couples here in the industry. Mahirap i-continue and I just want to say I’m sorry.”

In the end, Billy prays for God to “save me.”

“I feel like the devil’s really, really strong. I feel defeated. All I can ask for is forgiveness,” he said.