In private, I don’t celebrate birthday parties. Never got used to it. In my childhood, it meant going to church to say, “Thank you and bless me, Lord.” It has not really changed much. But since I work in television, it is expected that I have TV celebrations. These become my birthday parties where I celebrate with friends, the people I work with and the audiences of my various shows. In Bottomline, I had a two-part celebration where friends and students took turns at grilling me in a small amphitheatre set-up. It was a blast. Even before I could settle down on a black stool production people perhaps grabbed from some generous furniture sponsor my friend Mike Lopez impishly fired, “Are you top or bottom?,” I wanted to fire back a quick one, but I couldn’t. Not because I was embarrassed to say which I was but this top-bottom thing has never been an issue with me. During my time, we didn’t ask a potential partner this question nor was this a consideration in a relationship. “Top or bottom”? Neither and I’m not also “versa,” as someone who is both is labeled these days. Perhaps the best way to describe me would be conventional for lack of a better word. But this is not the way you answer a “Fast Talk” question. You don’t sprint around the Welcome Rotunda. You shoot back quickly but I figured more than the performance I had to tell the truth. And it was just the first question. Present in the Bottomline Court Martial were friends like lawyer Lorna Kapunan, Katrina Ponce Enrile, James Younghusband, Phil Younghusband, Rajo Laurel, L-Ray Villafuerte, Sherwin Gatchalian, Xiao Chua, Martin Go, Arne Gogo, Jobe Nkemakolam, Addie Sulivan, James Roman, Paula, Bianca Lapus, Nini Santos Borja, Mark Gan, Jonvic Remulla, Jon Santos, Bettina Aspillaga, Karen Davila, students from De La Salle University and the PWU, Puey Quiñones, Maritess Allen, Onat Diaz, Dennis Ngo, Winnie Castelo, Bemz Benedito, Boy So and Bong Quintana.
I was asked all sorts of questions from Philippine tourism to the most profane, “Do you spit or swallow?,” from “What kind of an animal would you want to be?” to “How you would promote Eastern Samar?”, from the hilarious “Have you kissed a girl?” to the scary “Who do you think won in the 2007 Presidential Elections?” Some I answered straight, others I could not.
Just before the show started, The Bottomline team was inside my dressing room. We had a pre-production chat. They asked me how I felt and if I was nervous. “Excited” and “fidgety,” I declared. Was there a question I was sensitive about? If I have the gall to ask any question that I think needs to be asked what right do I have to tell my friends not to ask me certain questions. I didn’t know who were inside the studio but I knew these were people whose lives and stories touched me in ways that have been beyond amazing and extraordinary. I suspected that these were people whose opinions and stories I value. I trusted the Bottomline Team that has been mindful of everyone’s sensibilities.
A talk show is seen by millions but the most important considerations when we brainstorm about our guests and the possible flow of conversations are personal and cultural sensibilities. A tough question sometimes is what you think will make the interview riveting or a question that no one will dare ask. Sometimes it’s your guest who leads you to that moment. Other times, you know that you will hurt feelings, then you stop yourself, realizing that it is just a question — someone’s life is more important. I never go to an interview with the intent of shaming anyone. To me that’s treason. But is it easy? Are we perfect? No. The road is bumpy to a meaningful conversation — with cameras staring at you from all sides, keeping the balance between listening to what is true and what is false, keeping in mind the expectations of all relevant publics and staying true to yourself.
If at all, birthday celebrations on TV, make you realize that the only way out of this mad world is to have fun and not take yourself seriously by being serious about what you do. And not to be afraid of your contradictions and simply move forward to discover what needs to be.
“What kind of people do you like?” someone asked. I quoted Jack Kerouac, “The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.”
“What do you say to bashers?” I blurted out a line from Maya Angelou, “You may shoot me with your words, you may cut me with your eyes, you may kill me with your hatefulness, but still, like air, I’ll rise”
“How did you survive all this?” a voice asked. Oprah answered, “For as long as you are on the side of truth you will survive anything.”
It has not been easy but what a journey it has been.
I’m grateful.