I’m confident that by the time this column sees print, I would have completely recovered physically from my Bell’s Palsy. IMHO, of course.
As I am writing this, my smile is almost back to normal, and I can wink my right eye now. My face wrinkles when I laugh. I realized last Sunday that recovery is just around the corner because when I was trying to feign a smile, someone smiled back. I already look like my old self which explains why I feel lazy doing my facial exercises nowadays, as compared to two weeks ago during the onset.
As promised in my previous column, I will talk about the “ordeal.”
First, I found it amusing that after just talking about Bell’s Palsy, I had it.
The first three days since I learned about the condition, I went through the motions of going from therapy to therapy, doctor to doctor. Sometimes, I would be doing therapy and acupuncture on the same day. Therapist Bry said that it is not needed that I go through this daily, as was recommended by my rehab doctor Vania Dy. You try to push yourself to the limits in terms of therapy and exercises, and realize later on that you are not recovering as fast as you had hoped. I even joked to my acupuncturist doctor Ico that I don’t mind having the needles on me the whole day if only they would ensure my speedy recovery.
On days that I was advised to just rest, I felt helpless. I felt that I wasn’t doing anything to help myself! But resting is part of the process of healing. Patience. Patience. Patience. No wonder we are called PATIENTS! I do my facial exercises three times a day and wherever I am.
I still went on board for my newscast in DZMM. The doctors advised me that I could still proceed with work, no restrictions, but not to engage in physically exhausting activities during my recovery. I was at my lowest during one broadcast over DZMM, when my co-anchor Alex Santos pointed out that I have an “F and P defect.” How was that possible when my normal speaking voice was okay? I figured that since the facial muscles on my right cheek were not as strong, the vocal placement during news delivery, the modulated-diaphragm voicing was difficult. It was time to re-learn delivering the news. I tried a nasal, tight-lipped delivery as in international broadcasts. And it worked.
It was a process on learning many things that we take for granted. “It was probably how we were when we were kids. We don’t remember our first step anymore,” said Lolo Rudy, my Jesuit friend, and he is right. Watch out for milestones on a per week basis, said my friend Chariz Parra from DZMM. The first milestone was when I could see the wrinkles on my right face near my dimples. Later on, the smile became bigger, and I could already shut my eye on the second day.
Enthusiastically, I would tell my husband about this. Guess what? I can now flare both of my nostrils! You heard it right! It is somewhat awkward doing the exercises in front of my therapist, especially the nose thing but really funny more than anything.
My husband Orange helped me with my facial exercises, and the laughter part of it sure helped a lot in waking up my sleeping nerves. A healthy sense of humor came in handy and of course, faith. What can you do without it?
I had faith, but during an acupuncture session, I broke into prayer asking God, “Why am I going through this?” Despite the tears, I told my doctor to just proceed and ignore my weeping. I could do this. Consider me a crying warrior. I cry but I fight.
Nevertheless, progress was faster than I had hoped.
Except for my more serious, “highbrow” look, I was told by producers that I looked okay and good to go. I was capable and able, but as the weekend was approaching, I was facing my fear of going back on-cam.
I tried to ignore this fear, not even verbalizing it. I even dissuaded my mother to visit me saying I was all right, but I was grateful that she came. “Thank God that your Bell’s is mild,” Mama told me. Before my newscast, I found peace in our conversation about my grand aunt Mama Mary in Guam who is in her 80’s with a bad case of arthritis, and living all by herself (her choice). She lives on faith everyday, always praying. Lolo Rudy said that it was really amazing how we get our strength from the sick.
Lolo Rudy was among the first to know about my condition. I texted my priest-friends: “Archbishop, Bishop, Father, please pray for me I have Bell’s Palsy… Pope John Paul II, pray for me na rin.” When loved ones learned I had Bell’s, they prayed to God that the cross be theirs instead. But I told them, “This is mine.” This is my experience, my story. I was certain that God was teaching me a lesson. “Lord, you allowed this to happen, then something good must come out of this,” I prayed. This was the reason why I volunteered to talk about Bell’s in Salamat Dok so as to raise awareness on this affliction.
But I have received more than what I have shared. I did not expect the outpouring of love, concern and compassion from strangers who didn’t know me personally, from peers and colleagues, as well as from Twitter users who offered prayers, and all those who e-mailed to share their story with me. I am very grateful.
I learned to trust, to be patient, to be humble and to let God take charge. I found peace. After all, “ordeal” would not be an appropriate term to describe this journey. It’s an “Aaaah moment” that left me in awe of how beautiful this life truly is. Love it!
“An experience is not complete until it becomes a memory,” says C.S. Lewis. Lolo Rudy adds, “A memory is not complete until it is told” — and there goes the autobiography of my smile.
(E-mail me at nagmamahalateb2@yahoo.com or follow me on Twitter @bernadette_ABS.)