Let the Games begin..!

Approximately one billion viewers from around the globe and possibly from other planets will tune in together with the 60,000 paying spectators at London’s Olympic Stadium to witness the opening of the 2012 Olympics tomorrow and the parade of 10,000 athletes from 200-plus competing nations.

Details of the opening ceremony were leaked and at a cost of 42 million dollars, we will be treated by 10,000 performers to a three-hour opening extravaganza showcasing the past, present and future of Great Britain.   A total of 10,000 journalists from everywhere will record and report everything, real and imagined. There are also 10,000 plus security personnel and staff that will provide protection and order.

The sound of a 27-ton bell will open the event.  A pre-recorded clip filmed inside Buckingham Palace, reportedly with Queen Elizabeth II and Daniel Craig as yes, James Bond, will be flashed on giant screens inside the stadium. The Queen will be herself. She won’t be Money Penny. There are rumors that someone dressed as 007 will parachute into the stadium to signal the start of the show.

From QE2 to James Bond to Alice in Wonderland and Peter Pan, to a showdown between Lord Voldemort and the flying nannies of Mary Poppins, we will be treated to an enchanted island-based spectacular aptly themed “Isle of Wonder”.

Songs from The Beatles, The Who, Sex Pistols and Vangelis’ iconic “Chariots of Fire” theme will be heard. The final act will have ex-Beatle Paul McCartney urging everyone in attendance to a sing-along and “take a sad song and make it better”.   Don’t miss the show today. It only comes every four years.

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How do you contain 10,000-plus athletes from all over the earth? You dump them into one of the world’s most exclusive clubs, the Olympic Village. It is a city within a city – condos, multi-level housing units and houses, mini malls, restos, cafes, discos and video lounges.

To join this elite club, you just have to have an almost supernatural talent and a devotional dedication to your chosen sport that rivals that of a contemplative nun or monk. The vow of celibacy and chastity is only an assumption.

Since the Barcelona Games in 1992, prophylactics were ordered alongside donuts, burgers and pizza. Organizers had 70,000 condoms delivered to the Village during the 2000 Sydney Games but before the closing ceremonies, 20,000 additional rubbers were ordered. Athens in 2004 played safe and placed 100,000 orders of the penile wrap, which has become the new standing order per Olympics.

This time, London ordered 150,000 and divide that with 10,000 athletes, that’s 15 condoms per Olympian. If an athlete uses up his supply, he doesn’t have to worry. A back-up order of 50,000 more is on standby. That’s daily copulation for two weeks. Wow!

The games officially run for about two weeks but teams arrive at the Village a week before the opening ceremonies. Everybody is nervously excited and eager to meet people from different places and the excitement mounts if you can hook up with someone who doesn’t speak your language. And like true Olympians, it is one big adventurous challenge having sex with someone who can’t understand you.

Olympians intensely prepare four years for this event with laser-like focus, just like a soldier preparing for combat, doing 12-hour daily regimens. The moment comes and they’re placed on a field all their own, where reporters and over protective parents and handlers are not allowed.   It’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience and memories are to be made, be it on the playing field, thru parties or yup, sexually.   Testosterone levels are high and Olympians are full of excess energy. American swimmer Eric Shanteau describes the Village as “a pretty wild scene, the biggest melting pot you’ve been in”.

I’ve seen recent practice footages of girls in sport bikinis and bras, men in briefs and these people are extremely buffed, cut and hot. American javelin thrower Breaux Greer said, “even if their face is a 7, their body is a 20.” In the Village, you can win a medal in the morning and sleep with a freakin’ hot guy in the evening.   This can also be a distraction as some almost forget that they still have to compete in the morning.

Athletes differ in controlling their urges. Some abstain until all their events are done while others do it as part of their warm-ups. Those doing the latter go happy into the competition and compete well. And if you do win a medal and flash them to get favors, you almost always get them.

Of course, coaches and chaperones try to control their wards by imposing curfews, banning alcohol and cross-gender visitations in living quarters but athletes, among others, are also a creative lot. When there’s a will, there’s a way. 

So, who are the most attractive Olympians according to Olympians? It’s the swimmers and the track guys. The gymnasts? They’re described as “lovable little Ewoks”. Don’t you wish you were in the Olympics? I do, but attractive is somewhat alien to me.

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