Agent Zero and the A to Z of Aging

The Washington Wizards might permanently lose their scoring (22.6 ppg) and assists (7.2 asp) leader, not through injuries but with a big-time screw up. Gilbert Arenas, a.k.a. Agent Zero, like his huge tarpaulin poster at one side of the Verizon Center, fell from grace and crumpled in a large pile.

He had been insensitive playing for a city where violent crimes occur at three times the national average, by pulling that misguided gun prank to a teammate and following it up with a pre-game antic where he pretended to shoot teammates with his hands.

His indefinite suspension will lose him $147,000 per game. Converted to a conservative exchange rate of P45 to a dollar, that’s a scandalously insane P6,615,000 per playing day. Adidas, the company he has been associated with since 2003, is also evaluating the situation and the $30M apparel contract.

A natural practical joker, Arenas, at 28 still has several years of good basketball left in his system. He could be back but not in a Wizards uniform. A talent gone to waste because of a stupid and immature act.

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Let me dedicate this poem to all my “mature” friends and relations, specially my pa-in-law, Gerardo “Dodong Gamay” Frasco, Roland and Michael Mendoza and New York-based Rey Seno. We are beginning to feel the effects of aging and some of these things have materialized. Here we go.

A is for Apple and B is for Boat. That used to be right but now it won’t float. Age before beauty is what we once said, but let’s be a bit realistic instead.

A is for Arthritis, B is for bad back. C is for chest pains, perhaps it cardiac?

D is for dental decline, E is for eyesight, we can’t read the top line. F is for fluid retention,

G is for gas I rather not mention.

H is for high blood pressure, I is for incisions with scars to show. J is for joints, you can hear them creak. K is for kness that crack when they bend.

L is for libido, what happened to sex? M is for memory, what comes next? N is for nervousness that makes us low.

O is for osteo, the bones that forgot to grow.

P is for prescriptions, I have a few. Q is for queasy, is it fatal or just the flu? R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.

S is for sleepless nights. T is for tinnitus, there are bells in my ears and oh how they ring!

U is for urinary, some trouble with the flow. V is for vertigo, as in dizzy, you know.

W is for worry, what’s going around? X is for x-ray and what might be found. Y is another year I’m left behind. Z is for zest that I still have - in my mind!

Yehey, I have survived the symptoms, my body’s fully deployed and I am keeping six doctors fully employed. Yes, they make me well, but when I get their bill, I again fall ill. Happy Aging!

E-mail me at [email protected]. -  THE FREEMAN