Why golf has 18 holes
The Tour de France is the only big-time sporting event left happening this July but I won’t be touching on the matter as it is strictly the domain of Doc JV Araneta, my neighbor on this paper’s sports pages. Instead, I will be sharing to you something that I got from my inbox.
Although considering that another neighbor on the sports pages, Nimrod Q, can do more justice on this as he plays the sport, I will be taking the liberty of bringing up the topic for the simple reason that my two main sporting loves, football and basketball, are lying low and materials are not that interesting enough.
Now, why do golf courses have 18 holes? The reason could be absurd, and as we say it in the vernacular, bunga sa kahubog. Sometime in 1858, during a discussion among club members at
We might wonder sometimes, me especially, why golf is very popular and why people who don’t even play the game go to tournaments or watch it on TV. I still could not get over the idea of whacking a golf ball as far as you can, go after it and then whack it some more. But all things considered, I suppose golf is a game for honorable ladies and gentlemen who don’t need referees to play.
The following truisms may shed some light on the sport. This is also not intended to offend fans of basketball, football, tennis or baseball. Rather, we are just trying to put things in their proper perspective.
• Golfers don’t have some of their players in jail every week. Almost all of the other sports have their weekly contributions.
• Golfers don’t kick dirt on, or throw bottles, chairs, coins or people, at other people.
• Pro golfers are paid in direct proportion to how well they play. Remember last year’s NBA top pick Greg Oden? He got injured, did not play for the whole season, but he still got his millions.
• Golfers don’t get per diem and two seats on a charter flight when they travel between tournaments.
• Golfers don’t hold out for more money or demand new contracts because of another player’s deal. Check the wheeling and dealing in the NBA and you’ll know what this means.
• Pro golfers don’t demand that taxpayers pay for the courses on which they play.
• When golfers make mistakes, nobody is there to cover for them or back them.
• The PGA raises more money in one year than the NFL does in two years.
• You can watch the best golfers in the world up close at any tournament, including the majors, all day for $25 to $30. Even in the upper, upper sections of stadiums, a ticket to the Super Bowl will cost you from $300 to $1000 from scalpers. And what about the $5,000 to $30,000 NBA Finals courtside seats?
• In golf, you cannot fail 70% of the time and make $9 million a season like the best baseball hitters do (.300 batting average).
• Golf doesn’t change its rules to attract fans. Pro golfers have to adapt to an entirely new and different playing field each week.
• Golfers keep their clothes on while being interviewed.
• Golf doesn’t have free agency. In their prime, Arnold Palmer, Greg Norman and other stars would shake your hand and say they are happy to meet you. In his prime, baseball’s Jose Canseco wore t•shirts that read “Leave Me Alone”. Have we ever seen Kobe Bryant or Kevin Garnett genuinely happy meeting and shaking a fan’s hand?
• You can hear birds chirping on the golf course during tournaments.
• Tiger Woods hits a golf ball twice as far as Barry Bonds does a baseball.
• Golf courses don’t ruin the neighborhood.
Will I become a golfer? The possibility is very remote. I haven’t even touched a golf club and from the looks of it, my wallet should be thick enough to stop a .50 caliber bullet to just entertain thoughts of getting interested in the game.
Still on golf... One day, a man came home and was greeted on the door by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. “Tie me up,” she seductively purred, “and you can do anything you want.” So tie her up he did and promptly went golfing.
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