Catch the disease

Today is Monday, a holiday. Wednesday's supposed to be the holiday but she is messing with our calendar. How I wish she'd change her call and make tomorrow the holiday instead of today. It'll solve a lot of problems for people like me. Way to go, madam!

So what exactly is my problem?

The SEA GAMES MTB XC finals is tomorrow and it isn't a holiday, and that's the problem. It means a day's pay is taken from my paycheck if I go and watch Nino Surban and Marites Bitbit go out and try to win gold for the country. Not only from my paycheck but from everybody's paycheck, everybody who won't be reporting for work because they're in Danao rooting for our boys in red, white and blue! Now if only...

Right now, my friends are thinking of excuses- from the usual (my lola in the province died) to the incredible (A UFO hit landed on our front door). Boys, just make it a tad believable, your bossing already knows you're crazy about bikes and it's SEAG time so it's always easy to put one and one together. Just pray that both Nino and Itess will win gold so that your truancy will be forgiven.

Here's what I think will happen tomorrow- a lot of my friends will get a very rare form of disease. And it's absolutely not bird flu! It's called the "Feigning Sickness" disease. It is communicable and highly contagious. And it not only happens in this part of the country, this disease. (In the city of Green Bay, Wisconsin, this kind of disease occurs mostly during Monday nights from September to December, that's the regular NFL season for you. Being a small city, the only pro sport that resides there is the Green Bay Packers. But when the Packers play Monday Night Football (NFL), those rapid Packer fans, aka "cheeseheads", who work the night shift will report that he/she is sick. This excuse is so blatant that it has become a part of the Sunday sermon by the priests or pastors to ask the workers of this blue collar community to show up for work Monday nights.)

FS's early symptoms include the urge to wear sunglasses with heavy tint and baseball caps, loose shorts and sneakers. The tendency to head north can be irrepressible, even if the person afflicted is in a straitjacket is from way down south. Whether you go there by car, bus, jeepney, v-hire or broomstick, doesn't matter. Dressing up like its summer on the day the disease strikes is all too common. Hydrophilia will also be a sign; in fact the DepEx (dept. Of excuses) has issued a bulletin about the FS disease. Holding bladder activity can also be experienced at the risk of pissing on your pants, or worse.

Late in the afternoon, the following will be experienced- difficulty in breathing, the eyes gets misty and all of your body hair starts to stand up especially when a certain nationalistic tune is played out in the stands.

This early, I declare my self sick, infected and afflicted by this disease. In fact, I am already a contagion. This epidemic, just like the black plague in Europe a few centuries ago, will disappear just as quickly as it arrived in our shores. The disease will be at its most virulent for 14 days but will remain to be felt in the next few years if the situation is right. There's a chance that it may reappear here in Cebu within a decade but with the way our national government is working on this disease, it's still 50-50.

Go, go, go and catch the disease for the country!!!