Missing their fathers on Father's Day

CEBU, Philippines - Since she was born 19 years ago, Gretchen Abenoja’s father has not always been by her side.

For 20 years now, Mr. Uldarico Abenoja, Jr., now 56, has been working as an engineer in Saudi Arabia. He plans to retire when he gets 60 or until all his children, including Gretchen’s younger brother, finish college.

“Naanad na ko na wala’y Papa ,” said Gretchen, the only girl and third among four siblings. She is a graduating student of UP Cebu, taking up BS Computer Science. (I’m used to my father’s absence.)

Gretchen said she understands why their father has to work abroad but if she is to choose, she would definitely want her father working in the country and living his days with the family.

Mr. Abenoja comes home only once a year.

The conversations among family members are way more fun and their family are more bonded if her father is around, she said. “Mas alegre ug naa si Papa kay bisan unsa lang among stor-yaan. Mas magkatapok pud mi family kung naa siya like example magkadungan mi og kaon pirme,” Gretchen said. (Our conversations are more fun, and we always eat together when he is around.)

Although sheis used to his absence, Gretchen said she still feels the sudden urge to see his father especially when she sees children hanging along with their fathers.

“Kung naa kay kina-hanglan kastorya na si Papa ra ang maka-advise, dili madali-dali kay layo siya. If ganahan ka makakita niya, igo na lang ka mu-console sa imong self kay imposible imong gusto,” she said. (There are moments when I want to say things to him and ask for his advice, or just see his face. But all I can do is comfort myself because I know what I want is impossible.)

Gretchen even thinks she may have been way different today had she been growing up with her father by her side. “Si Mommy musu-got ra man ‘to mulakaw ko anytime, but si Papa di ko basta-basta palakwon,” she said. (With my mother I can go anywhere I want, unlike my father who wants me home all the time).

Asked if she looks up to someone as father in the absence of Mr. Abenoja, Gretchen said she has no one.

“Wala. It has always been and will always be Papa even if he is miles away from me and from us,” said Gretchen, who is so close to her father.

It sure is a tough situation for her mother, too, Gretchen said, but it’s also a struggle for a daughter like her that whenever she seeks her father’s companionship, she can only do as much as understand the situation that her father has to provide for the family’s needs.

It’s a good thing, Gretchen said, that her father often calls her. To fill in the distance, Gretchen makes it a point to send e-mail messages and pictures to her father every now and then. That way, she can still reach out to her father and make him feel her love even if they are countries and time zones apart.

“Happy Father’s Day, ‘Pa! Sorry for everything I’ve done that may have disappointed you. Thank you so much for your support and encouragements, for providing me what I need, and even providing my wants. I love you, ‘Pa! I miss you… Come home often,” Gretchen’s Father’s Day message for her father goes.

Like Gretchen Abenoja, 21-year-old Jamaima Albeos sometimes regrets having a father thousands of miles away to guide her as she journeys to the stage of womanhood.

Growing up without a father by her side at all times, Albeos thought she would have been a tougher and a wiser person if her childhood is a picture of a happy family living under the same roof. Just like other Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW) children, Albeos had the struggle of a child growing up without the physical presence of their fathers.

She said she sought fatherly attention from her uncles for the comfort and emotional needs that a father is supposed to be providing his children.

She recalls being jealous of other children whose fathers were with them during the important moments of their lives. She once blamed his father for how her older brother and younger sibling turned out to be rebellious teens.

“The discipline from a father is undeniably different from that of a mother. If only he was here for my brother,” she said.

But despite all the blue memories, she is still filled with happy reminiscences of her father during the times of the year when he comes home to his family. Albeos’ father, 56-year old Gamaliel, is a chief engineer of a ship and has been a seafarer for 21 years now. Forced by his dreams of a better future for his children, he has spent most of his time out sailing.

Jamaima said that for her father, she is still a three-year-old child if the number of days her father gets to spend with her is summed up.

“That’s why he remains uncomfortable of the thought of me having a boyfriend because he is not ready to give me away,” she said.

He never failed to provide for the needs of his family. “He is really a provider. We have a decent house, we got our education from prestigious schools and we were able to buy what we want,” she said. When she entered college, her father started spending more days at home.

“Maybe he realized that it’s about time to spend more time with his children,” Jamaima said.

She said that they also never failed to see her father’s efforts to reach out and to fulfill his role in the family despite being thousands of miles away.

“My father is an epitome of a hard working man whose love for his family I could not fathom given the sacrifices he had to make to give us a better life,” she said. “During my graduation, he really moved heaven and earth to make it on-time. I was really touched. I know he loves us and he never failed to show it,” Jamaima said.

This father’s day, the senior Albeos is still away, but she has prepared a card for him. It is what they do every year. He reads them when he gets home.

“Happy father’s day Pa. Even if again you are not here with us to celebrate your special day, my love and respect for you will always stay the same. I love you Papa! We still have lots of father’s day celebration to look forward to. I miss you!” was part of her message to him. — /JPM (FREEMAN)