Psychology expert: Parenting ways are the basic influence

A psychology expert yesterday pointed out that the parents and the household, which are the immediate link in the growing up years of a child, have the greatest influence in the development of a child’s attitude when he becomes an adult.

Professor Imelda Virgina Villar, president of the Psychological and Educational Counselors in Asia, said that responsible parenting remains the make or break of a child’s development, as it deals the greatest impact on the child’s connection and perception with the society.

“It all goes back to the parents and their values; how they act as examples; and how they encouraged or discouraged things. This is where we should focus,” said Villar in her speech in yesterday’s Understanding Choices forum entitled “Into the Warzone of Gangs and Guns.”

The forum was participated by representatives of law enforcement agencies, academe, church, local governments and non-government organizations.

The aim of the forum was to trace and point out solutions on the problems of gangs, fraternity violence, and child delinquency that have rocked the peace and order situation in Cebu and nearby provinces. 

Villar said the other factors that have impact on the life of a child to adulthood are the environment, the media, and the volition and will of God. She added that Western consumer attitude also influences the way the family or household is being run.

Western consumerism also influences parents to focus on their own happiness instead of their family as a whole and this is where the children became the victims. There is a greater pursuit of what is necessary and parents have to work harder.

This setup results in lesser time with the children, Villar said, and there is less positive modeling, coaching, feedback-giving, and supervision.

“Or if the parents stay together still, they engaged in seven deadly habits: Criticizing, blaming, complaining, nagging, threatening, punishing and rewarding or bribing,” she said.

Villar said that abuses and deprivation of a child of support, love and affection creates anger and resentment that when left unreleased are converted into violent actions.

Evelyn Nacario-Castro, executive director of the Eduardo Ramon Aboitiz Development Studies Center, for her part presented statistics of children in conflict with the law. She said that eight out of 10 children become out-of- school youths who stopped schooling usually at the age of 14.

Most of the delinquents are not living with their parents, she said.

The forum later drew suggestions from the resource persons and these include the profiling of students and children, hiring of school detectives, teaching of parents and teachers on counseling, imposing curfew, and presenting value-added advertisements in media.  — Ferliza C. Contratista/RAE