Personal Passion: How to help kids find their own

CEBU, Philippines — It is a rather common tendency among many parents to impose their ‘concepts of the world’ on their growing children. After all, the kids are still inexperienced and can’t figure out the possible consequences of what they supposedly want in their lives. True enough, it can be quite risky to simply concede to the kids’ every wish.

But, of course, parents can only run the lives of their kids up to a certain extent. Children are not robots that can be programmed completely by their parent. At some point, the kids shall begin being self-driven to pursue what they want in their own lives.

Writer Deborah Song, at the website www.creativechild.com, cites the book “Coming of Age in the Other America,” where researchers Stefanie DeLuca, Susan Clampet-Lundquist, and Kathryn Edin reveal their finding that one of the reasons some kids pushed past their circumstances and managed to graduate high school and college was something called an identity project. It is a hobby or passion that some are lucky enough to have found and get immersed in. Such passion is what fuels some kids thrive amidst challenging conditions at home.

Ms. Song figures out that what the book suggests is that having a purpose, mission or inspiration helps people succeed and overcome obstacles. So, it is important for parents to determine what to do, or not do, to help their kids discover and nurture their passions. The writer shares sensible tips for parents – mainly consisting of doing less, not more:

Keep it light.

All parents feel pressure to raise successful kids, but putting too much pressure on the children to be the best can mean missed opportunities. Nowhere is this more apparent than in sports. Why do 70 percent of kids quit organized sports by the time they’re 13 years old, just around the age when they can benefit from sports the most? According to a poll from the National Alliance for Youth Sports in the U.S., the competitive and selective nature of sports has left American kids feeing like “it’s not fun anymore.”

Parents shall be sensitive to whether or not their well-intentioned hovering might be suffocating the children, choking the growth of a passion from taking root. A pressure-free exploration is the best way to uncover a passion. Putting too much pressure on the children can even make them quit an already discovered passion. The balance between enough support and not too much pressure is a tough one. But parental pressure can be checked by asking the question: What do parents value more, their child’s journey in life or the outcome he may produce?

Don’t impose your passions onto your children.

Every parent, perhaps with the exception of Warren Buffet, has unfulfilled dreams. As tempting as it is to have those ambitions fulfilled through their children, it’s critical not to impose the parents’ dreams onto their kids, who will likely only end up resenting the act. Rather than expecting the kids to follow their parents’ template, parents shall seek to understand who their kids are and what makes them tick.

The only way for parents to get to know their children is to get to know them. Parents shall shut off their phone from time to time (or at least put it on silent), and engage in mindful parenting with their kids.

Stop thinking about finding your child’s passion.

Instead, parents shall start thinking about following opportunity passionately. Okay, parents shall not be afraid to expose their children to things they may not like or be good at. Every child’s brain is uniquely primed for learning – it doesn’t have to be forced. But kids don’t have to be the best at something to have fun, which is an important life lesson to learn. Like happiness, finding a passion is often a byproduct and seldom results from making it the goal.

A child shall be taught to practice when he isn’t inspired, to try new things when it’s scary, and to accept failure as a necessary part of learning. Just as it’s important to know how to learn as what is learned, it’s important to learn how to pursue a passion than finding it. And most important for parents to remember that they cannot live life in behalf of their children.