Better Holiday Gift-Giving

CEBU, Philippines — “Spending money on other people makes us feel better than buying things for ourselves, according to studies in the burgeoning field of money and happiness. That ought to make the holiday season, in all its gift-giving glory, truly the most wonderful time of the year,” writes Diane Harris in an article at www.forbes.com.

Gift-giving, however, shouldn’t end with just the giving. The act is not simply fulfilling the ‘obligation’ to give. The giver should feel happy in doing the act, and – most importantly – the gift should serve a purpose with the recipient.

Given that, the gift-giver shall try to know what the intended recipient wants, Harris suggests. Yes, it can be awkward or anti-climactic to ask the intended recipient. Thus, the giver has to be creative in researching – maybe discreetly ask everybody except the intended recipient himself.

One study quoted by Harris “found that eight of 10 shoppers admit that picking the right holiday present for everyone on their list makes them anxious. Which helps to explain why 69 percent of respondents in a new SunTrust poll said they’d rather skip exchanging gifts if friends and family would agree to it.” It doesn’t make any difference that the respondents were all Americans – the situation everywhere else, including the Philippines, is very similar.

Harris also quotes Michael Norton, a marketing professor at the Harvard Business School and co-author of “Happy Money: The Science of Happier Spending,” saying, “Being obligated to give and worrying about how people will react interferes with the happiness we typically feel at the pure act of giving.”

Fortunately, Harris cites ways to delight the folks on one’s gift list and, in the process, make gift-giving a happier experience for both the giver and the recipient. These ways, she writes, are scientifically proven. 

1. Favor giving experiences over stuff.

The 60 percent of the money that holiday shoppers shell out for presents this year will go to buy clothing, toys and electronics, a study found. Only 27 percent plan to buy gifts of an experience, such as concert or show tickets or a restaurant meal.

Yet research shows that recipients are more likely to appreciate experiential gifts than material items, in keeping with a large number of studies indicating that experiences also make you happier than tangible possessions when you spend money on yourself.

“Experiential gifts evoke greater emotion than material ones and it’s that emotional intensity that makes us feel more connected to the giver,” says Cassie Mogilner Holmes, an associate professor of marketing at the UCLA Anderson School of Management. “If you’ve given me the gift of dinner at a restaurant or a museum membership or concert tickets, I associate the emotions I feel when I eat the meal, see the painting or listen to the music with you. You’re in my head, whether you’re physically with me or not,” Holmes adds.

In choosing the best kind of experience to give, it’s smart to consider the age of your recipient. Holmes and Norton have found that younger people associate happiness with exciting or extraordinary activities, while older people find contentment in calming options and more ordinary pursuits.

2. Tie stuff to experiences.

Not all material gifts are bad. If you connect a tangible present to an experience, you can get the same relationship bump as you would from giving a purely experiential offering.

In one experiment, Holmes and Cindy Chan at the University of Toronto instructed participants to give friends coffee mugs either inscribed with the words “My Coffee Mug” or “My Coffee Time.” Those whose cups emphasized the experience of drinking java over the object they’d consume it in felt closer to the person who gave it to them.

To heighten appreciation of any tangible present you give, Holmes suggests writing an accompanying note focusing on the experience it will provide. She says, “If you buy your partner a TV, frame it as evenings watching your favorite shows together. Or for a waffle maker, highlight Sunday mornings relaxing with your family.”

3. Give ‘em what they want.

Givers often make a big mistake by trying to surprise people with presents they feel will highlight their thoughtfulness and knowledge of recipients, studies show. But if someone has told you what he or she wants, it’s best to honor that request.

A Southern Methodist University/University of Texas at Austin study found that friends were happiest when they got gifts they asked for rather than alternatives.

"To the giver, going rogue means, 'I love you,'" says Norton. "To the recipient, it's just annoying; it means, 'he never listens to me.'"

4. Buy the gift of time.

People feel happier when they spend money on time-saving services (like housecleaning or grocery delivery) than on material items such as clothes and wine, according to a 2017 study by Norton and four other researchers. Yet they’re often reluctant to shell out cash for this purpose, partly because they feel guilty about paying someone to do chores they dislike.

Norton thinks it stands to reason, then, that gifts of time-saving services – like a week of take-out meals or babysitting – might make nifty holiday presents. “For women in particular, it’s a pretty big predictor of relationship satisfaction,” Norton says.

Just pick your gift-of-time recipient carefully. Notes Norton: “I’m not sure whether a co-worker would think a gift of a cleaning service is nice or judgmental, but it certainly seems to work within couples.”

5. Make a bigger impact.

Making a charitable donation on someone’s behalf is a thoughtful way to show you care and do good at the same time, right? Actually, not so much. Givers overestimate how much people appreciate socially responsible gifts, especially for friends they’re not close to, according to a 2015 study from the University of Southern California, Harvard and Duke.

Recipients prefer a gift they can actually use. So get your gym pal or co-worker a gift card to a versatile retailer and donate to a worthy cause in your name.

Giving to charity makes you happy, studies show, especially if you believe your contribution will have a positive impact. Contributing to organizations with a specific, well-defined purpose and which routinely report back to donors on how their funds will be used have been associated with higher levels of happiness in studies by Norton and others. (FREEMAN)