Thank God for Fathers

CEBU, Philippines - Everyone understands the great role a father plays in his child’s life. Both parents actually play crucial roles in raising the child. But a father’s and a mother’s parental roles are not quite the same.

In an article at the website www.parenting.com, writer Skye Loyd cites four decades of research and hundreds of studies that have proven that the more involved a father is, the more successful his children will be. A father’s influence can determine a child’s social life, grades at school, and future achievements.

The father’s influence starts as early as the child’s birth. A review of studies by the Father Involvement Research Alliance, relates Lloyd, shows that babies with more involved fathers are more likely to be emotionally secure, confident in new situations, and eager to explore their surroundings. Thus, the little ones grow up to be more sociable.

Toddlers with involved fathers are also better problem-solvers and have higher IQs by age 3, writes Lloyd. The kids are more ready to start school and can deal with the stress of being away from home all day better than children with less involved fathers, adds Lloyd. At school, children of involved fathers do better academically.

Lloyd mentions a Father Involvement Research Alliance review that girls with involved fathers have higher self-esteem, and teenage girls who are close to their dads are less likely to engage in pre-marital sex. Boys show less aggression, he notes, less impulsivity, and more self-direction. 

As young adults, children of involved fathers are more likely to achieve higher levels of education, find success in their careers, have higher levels of self-acceptance and experience psychological wellbeing. Adults who had involved fathers are more likely to be tolerant and understanding, have supportive social networks made up of close friends, and have long-term successful marriages.

A study by Brigham Young University researchers is also mentioned in Lloyd’s article. The study finds that involvement in everyday activities, such as eating dinner together, watching TV, playing in the yard, and playing video games are even more important to share with Dad than big outings or trips, although those contribute to children’s development as well. Fathers and youths in the study experienced more satisfaction and cohesion in their family when fathers were involved in everyday core activities.

Now, the questions: How does a father’s influence differ from a mother’s? Isn’t one good parent enough? “Fathers and mothers have unique and complementary roles in the home,” Lloyd quotes Brett Copeland, a clinical psychologist. “Fathers encourage competition, independence, and achievement. Mothers encourage equity, security, and collaboration.”

Fathers are observed to be dominant in at least four ways, according to W. Bradford Wilcox, director of the National Marriage Project and associate professor of sociology at the University of Virginia. And these are in playing, encouraging risk, protecting and disciplining.

Play is more physical and rough with Dad, while Mom tends to tone things down. Where mothers tend to worry about their children’s safety and wellbeing, fathers encourage their children to take risks. And so in playing with Dad, children learn how to regulate their feelings and behavior. “Roughhousing with dad, for example, can teach children how to deal with aggressive impulses and physical contact without losing control of their emotions,” says Wilcox.

And fathers are the family’s symbol of protection. Lloyd supposes that it’s their size, strength, or inclination to protect that make fathers appear to be better at keeping predators and bad influences from harming their children. When fathers are more involved, they can better monitor what’s going on in their children’s lives, including interaction with peers and adults.

In terms of disciplining the kids, mothers discipline more often but fathers discipline with a firmer hand. In their book “Partnership Parenting,” Drs. Kyle Pruett and Marsha Kline Pruett write, “Fathers tend to be more willing than mothers to confront their children and enforce discipline, leaving their children with the impression that [their fathers] in fact have more authority.” Mothers, on the other hand, try to reason with their children and rely on kids’ emotional attachment to them to influence their behavior.

Again, raising kids is a shared parental responsibility. But, generally, fathers are thought to only provide for the family materially. Perhaps Father’s Day is a good time to consider that, yes, fatherhood is much more than simply bringing home the bacon. (FREEMAN)