Like clouds

The average person thinks that love is all that matters. And that it is the only requirement there is to getting married. Oh, how romantic it is to meet someone by chance and be instantly smitten.

But society has since developed a tradition to the process of finding a spouse. There is phase for courtship, and then engagement, before the ultimate exchange of vows. The process is there to ensure that one does not just get into a lifelong commitment recklessly.

Matrimony is such a serious matter to be simply entered into on a whim. Even among marital unions without the benefit of civil and religious formalities, the probability of producing children is such a pressure to prompt the parties involved to be very sure of each other. It would be hard to turn away from kids that carry one's genes.

But bursting emotions often muddle rational thinking, especially among young people. Just a year after swearing everlasting love, many teenage couples begin wishing each other dead. Death is the only means they know for breaking free from a sworn commitment.

As it turns out, love alone does not guarantee a solid union. In the first place, many false emotions can mislead people. Mere sexual desire aroused by physical beauty or a sheer surge of carnal energy can be mistaken for love.

Physical attraction is not the same as deep affection. If there's nothing more pulling the parties towards each other than physical appearance, when the outward beauty fades the attraction also dies. The intense desire for each other during the initial phase of the relationship is perhaps only to incite curiosity in the parties involved, for them to want to know further the truths about their feelings for each other.

The mere need for another person to produce the kind of life conditions that one could not make on her or his own is not necessarily love, either. The daughter of a poor worker may desire a man who can provide her with a better life, the kind of husband she wished her own father to be. Or a man would want a wife who will need and pamper him, to give him the self-worth he does not have on his own.

Worst of all, man and woman may cling to each other simply for fear of ending up being alone.

Yet even lovers who are sure of their deep love for each other don't have the assurance of ending up happy together. Feelings are like clouds constantly moving; sometimes they're there, sometimes they're not there. The smart thing for couples in trouble to do is to stay around and be sustained by the hope that things will get better - that the loving feeling will soon return.

Why do two people deeply in love need to sign a marriage contract on their wedding day? It's for those times when the loving feelings fade away. It's to compel the parties to do their best to remain together.

The contract even goes to the awkward extent of suggesting stern punishment if they renege on their pledge of "till death do us part." It is necessary. Otherwise, the union won't survive when the spouses' differences begin to show.

To be forced to remain in the relationship "in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer" allows the couple to learn to accept their dissimilarities, finally embracing the fact that no one is perfect. The truth is, true love can demand the biggest self-sacrifice.