The lost rules of etiquette

Many of us were taught to adhere to the motto "Kindness will take you where money cannot." It represented a period that kept social manners in the forefront. There were clear conventions regarding everything from the appropriate way to thank your hostess to acceptable behavior during courtship and social calls. There was no ambiguity and certainly no indifference.

In this current era of computers, smart phones and texting, we are slowly losing some social manners that were very much a part of everyday interaction of society.

Naturally, social customs are as much a matter of time as of place so that what would have been completely acceptable in the 60s or 70s may now be considered to be in poor taste. A good example would be that smoking was the norm at parties, whereas today, very few hosts feel the need to keep ashtrays on hand to be hospitable.

For those who assume or think that etiquette is outdated, always remember that manners and etiquette are actually quite fluid, and evolve along with the social norms of the day.

Here's a list of some beautiful rules of etiquette that have somehow vanished. Perhaps it will inspire us to revive them.

. In days gone by, a gentleman would always open the doors for the ladies, whether it be the lady they were driving or a stranger entering a building. Some women confuse manners with chauvinism.

. Whenever a person received a gift, they would write a thank-you note as soon as possible. Parents would sit children down and coach them in their first thank-you notes. This way they will have greater appreciation of     gifts they receive.

. When people had a wedding or any special-occasion party, they would never have considered having a "bridal gift  registry." It would also have been considered  rude to say something like "no gifts" as it implies that gifts are an expected obligation. Today most would agree that gift registry is convenient and practical to avoid duplication.

. Some people seem to have lost the concept of correct timing when it comes to parties and events. In the olden days, it was rude to arrive late. There was no such thing as "fashionably late." Lateness was and always will be rudeness.

. Dressing for dinner emphasized the importance of family and healthy food. I distinctly remember my parents strictly enforcing this rule. We could not go to the dining table without combing our hair or dressing properly for that matter. I strongly recommend this as a good way to build up good family spirit.

. One of the most dramatic changes in recent years has been the dropping of the abolition on wearing black to a wedding. This is to some extent regional. In Europe and America, it is virtually a given, whereas it might be the cause of some disapproving looks in a conservative small city or town.

. There were also numerous fine points about the interaction between men and women. A gentleman could only give a lady certain gifts such as flowers, chocolates or books. A woman should not accept a present from a suitor which smacked of support such as cash, jewelry or other gifts which might make her appear to be a "kept" woman. Only after receiving a gift from him could she then reciprocate, inexpensive gifts were the ones deemed respectable.

While high technology has certainly made our lives better and simpler, common courtesy and good manners are what allow us to be humane to each other. The beauty of it is that when good manners and polite behavior are ingrained into a society, it makes routine social interactions, as well as special occasions, more pleasant and agreeable for everyone.