Raising the Child to Become a Leader

CEBU, Philippines - It is typical for us parents to be protective of our children. We quickly come to their rescue whenever they need our "assistance."  We even hover around them at playgrounds, for them not to get hurt.

We parents are instinctively protective of our children. But being overprotective is another matter. Though it is our obligation to shield our kids from any harm, we unknowingly hold them back from thriving and gaining independence on their own, stunting their development and keeping them from becoming the best leaders they can be.

 This kind of over-protectiveness often backfires sooner or later. The more parents keep their kids away from opportunities where they can grow, the more they miss the point that they must provide their children the avenues to hone their leadership skills. 

There is no exact formula to raising a leader. It's not like baking - you can just add a little of this and a smattering of that in order to create the best product there is. A leader is raised by parents who dare to expose their kids to real-life experiences and some risks.   

Kids are to be molded to become risk takers. The risks they face are big chunks that contribute to the bigger part of who they would be in the future. Play, for example, is one opportunity where kids can conquer small challenges on their own and at their own pace. Play activities prepare them to face bigger tasks as they grow older.

 If we keep on over-protecting the children they would grow up afraid to take risks, and would be fearful and likely to be dependent on their parents. They could not learn to handle stressful situations by themselves. Instead of deciding on what to do, they would endlessly seek refuge and assistance from their parents.

The Ramon Aboitiz Foundation Inc.-Dolores Aboitiz Children's Fund (RAFI-DACF) believes that teaching leadership skills to our children is a key part of parenting. One way to do it is to provide children with opportunities where they can create their own learning experiences.

RAFI-DACF suggests the following, to help develop the leadership potential of children:

Let them play. We are always told to be wary because there is danger at every corner. And so we develop a "safety first" mentality, always making sure to keep our kids away from dangers. However, we tend go beyond the normal protectiveness. The child who is not allowed to play outside may grow up to be fearful adults. It's okay for them to fall, to cry, or to be hurt while they play. As they grow older, they may become emotionally mature because experiences have let them feel what it was like.

Play encourages children to "think outside the box" and to be "in charge" of what they do. They can investigate, test their theories, study cause-and-effect situations, and discover things at their leisure. They take control of their decisions and actions.

Provide them with little independence. Children, even from an early age, search for independence - a kind of freedom that is fueled by desire to make things happen their own way, and to feel confident of themselves. There are many opportunities to foster independence in children whether in school, at the play area, and in our own homes.

The child's difficult behavior may be due to his desire to assert himself. Children start to control over certain areas of their lives, to feel capable and free. As parents, let's teach them without demanding that they strictly obey rules.  Let's give them some freedom to manage over small points of their doings. This fulfills their need for independence. When the child wants to do dishes, let's allow him and be only around to guide him.

Don't over-praise.  When we over-praise just so our children would feel good, it's giving them a false sense of contentment. He is likely to not take new risks for fear of not meeting his parents' expectations.

Children constantly look up to adults for validation if they are doing it right or not. By always meaning what you say instead of trying to puff up their egos, parents pat them in the back while at the same time egging them on to strive harder.

Allow them to make age-appropriate choices and decisions. Leaders make good decisions, but only if they are given the opportunity to make decisions freely. 

It starts with small decisions. Letting children choose their outfit for the day and what books to read is good training for them. They develop a sense of autonomy and become able to make decisions when confronted with choices on their own at school.

If we see our child trying to make his bed, let's pause before racing over to help. If we always rush in assisting him, he will miss a very significant learning experience. He will never learn how to do things on his own. Whenever possible, let's allow our kids handle problems, think up solutions, evaluate their course of action, and decide what to do. This way they will learn to handle responsibility.

Empathize with their frustrations. It is hard to see our children struggle over their failures. We want to help them cope with the negative feeling caused by a failed task. We want to make things easier for them. But if we really want to help, we must only empathize with the kids' frustrations and encourage them to keep on trying.

We must not take over their critical thinking and problem-solving skills. Instead, we must teach them patience and cheer them on! By calmly asking them questions like, "What should you do next time?" or "Why do you think that didn't work out?" we encourage them to figure it out rather than rubbing in their mistakes.

Children may experience frustration but they will also gain valuable skills in the process. So let's encourage them, and let them correct their own mistakes and improve themselves.

Instill important lessons from their defeat. Good leaders know how to handle defeat and frustrations. They know, too, that there's a lesson to learn from every defeat. After a lost game, let's talk to the child what lesson he has learned. It is also a good opportunity to share with him our similar experience when we were his age, especially emphasizing how we missed a chance to achieve something because we gave up. (FREEMAN)