Secrets to Successful Parenting

CEBU, Philippines - Every parent will agree that being a parent requires sacrifice, effort, and a lot of time. That parenting is a not an easy task to do. But not so for Maribel Sison-Dioniso, MA, who has found the secrets to successful parenting.

Sharing with parents, guests, and visitors in a talk entitled "Disciplining with Love" during the Sundance Residences Open House, in Lahug on February 18, Sison-Dionisio revealed six secrets to successful parenting.

These are what she calls the ABCDEF of parenting. When mastered, she says, parents could rest assured to be able to raise their kids well. ABCDEF stands for: A - Attention giving, B - Building self-worth, C - Communicates regularly and well, D - Disciplines with love, E - Enhances couple or individual relation, and F - Financially responsible.

On "attention giving," Sison-Dionisio emphasized that parents should give at least 30 minutes to every child everyday and that each parent should have a weekly date day with each of their children. During this time, she said, gadgets should be avoided; and for parents to just spend the time talking with, training, and getting to know the child.

The letter B, which stands for "builds for self-worth," means that the parent should affirm each of the child's positive qualities and acknowledge every good deed the child does. According to Sison-Dionisio, "Encouragement is [to be] given for effort and improvement."

"Communicating regularly and well" is another key factor for success in parenting. Parents have to listen well to each of their children, as well as speak clearly and in a friendly tone to avoid misinterpretations. The child shall not be automatically blamed for the wrong things he or she has done; instead, parents shall ask for clarification or explanation. Negotiating and updating house rules at home are also a big help.

The fourth factor is to "discipline with love." This means parents are to teach and instruct - not threaten. Disciplining shall not be a form of punishment. "Good discipline results in confident, responsible, and caring children," Sision-Dionisio explains. She stresses that disciplining shall be to encourage children to be responsible for their own selves, to be considerate of others, and to function well in society.

Expounding further on disciplining with love, Sison-Dionisio said that spanking, shouting, and threatening or bribing might not work in today's generation. Thus, the best alternative, she said, was to offer choices and options with natural consequences (for example: if the child does not eat, then he or she goes hungry) or logical consequences (if the child loses a book, then he or she pays for it for his or her allowance).

"Enhancing couple or individual relationship" means that the parents, being a couple, shall have their own quality time together. Likewise, each spouse shall also have quality time for himself or herself. Like with their children, the couple's communicating and caring for each other is also a big factor in successful parenting.

Lastly, a parent should take financial responsibility for one's self, for his or her spouse, and for the children. This can be done by coming up with a family mission statement, planning on an annual basis, and budgeting money for everybody in the family. The best way to achieve this, though, is to keep simple the family lifestyle and to live within the family's means. It is crucial to have the correct financial mindset: "income - savings = expenses," not the other way around.

Maribel Sison-Dionisio has co-authored several books including Helping our Children Do Well in School (2004), Magaling ang Pinoy (2007), I've been Dating… Now What? (2006), Teen Crush (2011), Thinking of Marriage (2012), and Growing Up Wired (2013). (FREEMAN)