Another Kind of Love

CEBU, Philippines - Harry Jaen, a call center agent, is not in a relationship right now. But whenever he is in one, he makes it known to everyone, especially to his family and friends. To him, it feels best to be "free to express what and how you feel."

It's not the usual kind of romantic relationship that Harry goes for. He prefers partners of his own gender. Harry is a homosexual.

As we know, homosexuals have an extra baggage to carry - extra hurdles to tackle - as compared to the normal, heterosexual couples. They risk public disapproval, even condemnation. Despite the increased tolerance for gays we've seen in recent years "the social stigma on gays in our country still hasn't died yet," Harry laments.

While Harry is not hiding his sexual identity, he is not flaunting it either. He is always being very careful about it, in order to avoid being bullied or made the butt of jokes. But he admits he just cannot help being what he is. 

The case of the couple Epyang and Eplot (as they are called by those who know the truth about them) is different. They have been in a relationship for almost two years now, but are keeping it secret from their respective families and when they are in public. Aside from their close friends, nobody else knows; the couple pretends to be just best friends.

They are afraid "to admit our real feelings because our families are so against (gays). They would (disown) us if they knew about us," Epyang, a 22-year-old fine arts student, sadly shares - a difficult situation indeed.

We wonder what kind of Valentine's Day this couple will have. We wonder how it feels being in a relationship that shall be kept secret. There's a Biblical passage: "Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks." No doubt, to have to keep the mouth shut while the heart bubbles up with intense feelings is sheer torture. 

Celebrating Valentine's Day, therefore, is not easy to do for Epyang and Eplot. They need to be very discreet about it. They plan to have dinner together and maybe a little drink, definitely no gifts for each other in order not to invite suspicions, especially from their families. 

Harry, although presently single, is sure to still celebrate Valentine's Day. He is still going to buy flowers and a cake and celebrate the day in a special way. His reason for it, though, is something else.

 "It's my mum's birthday," he reveals with a big grin. It doesn't seem to bother him at all not having a special someone with whom to celebrate Valentine's in a romantic way. But Harry may just be trying to put up a face, to lighten up the lonely truth he and other gays share.

Eplot longs to see the day when a love like theirs will no longer be an issue in society. "We didn't choose this," he stresses. "We didn't choose to be different." 

Ours is mainly a Christian country, dominantly Roman Catholic. We are not as open as the other countries. A Filipino gay remains some kind of deviant in the eyes of society. No matter how "accepted" some Filipino homosexuals may claim to be, they are still not in equal footing with their heterosexual counterparts as far as society in general is concerned.

This attitude is changing, some say. More and more homosexuals, both male and female, are succeeding in their areas of endeavor. Yet many of these winners are still booed and jeered at by people way inferior to them in terms of talent, competence, and even in personal character - simply because of their sexuality.

Harry believes that carrying one's self in a decent, confident way helps a gay person earn some respect from others. That's his personal experience, he says. It is old wisdom that one shall seek to know and accept his own truth and the attitude of the world will matter less to him.

Being homosexual does not make a person less of a human being. But it may still take a while for others to see it that way. In the meantime, many homosexual individuals and homosexual couples may just have to keep their tender feelings to themselves. (FREEMAN)