Understanding the family of an addict!

CEBU, Philippines - The first step to understanding what treatment for chemical dependency will mean for your drug addict is to understand what is happening to you, the family member! Whatever you are feeling right now, please understand that you are not alone. Most people with an addict in their life are right where they are supposed to be. Our experiences have taught us that things are more likely to get better if we are willing to follow the guidance and recommendations of the treatment professionals.

Families experience many emotions prior to, during and after the alcoholic/addicts’ treatment. These emotions do not follow any order. No matter what emotions them feel, with support they can lead to taking positive action. They are likely to deal with the following feelings.

Anger. You may feel anger any time before, during and after admitting your addict into treatment, Alcohol and other drug abuse may have caused them to act in ways unacceptable to you, such as lying, staying out all night, being disrespectful or abusive, skipping school/work, losing jobs or having failing grades, stealing, vandalizing, being arrested, failing to be financially responsible etc. Your trust in them was probably destroyed and your hopes shattered. You spent time, energy and money trying to “help,” but your efforts failed. This often leads to feelings of anger and resentments.

Relief. Not long after they enter treatment, you may reach a stage when you feel thankful your addict is in treatment. You’ll feel grateful that help has arrived and you can finally stop struggling. You are no longer alone. Your alcoholic / addict is in a place where he/ she will get the care needed. For some families, this is the first time in a long time they get a good night’s sleep!

Guilt. Feelings of guilt are common, especially if your addict argues that he/she does not need treatment. Often when in treatment, they promise to change their behavior if you will let them come home. Your guilt may sound like a voice saying, If only I had been home more…If only I had been a better mother/father/wife/partner/daughter/son this  wouldn’t be happening to them ………Maybe I was too hard…….It’s my fault.  Sometimes you have been told by your chemical dependent that “If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have to drink/drug” or “It’s all your fault” etc.

Doubt. Sometime after the initial shock of the admission of your loved one into treatment wears off, don’t be surprised to find yourself second guessing your decision. You may wonder, Was it really that bad? …. Was treatment really necessary? Friends and family who don’t understand chemical dependency can compound this. They may also question the need for your loved one to be in treatment, undermining your confidence in supporting that decision.

Fear. You may experience a period of anxiety or fear of the unknown. You might be asking yourself, What happens to our family now that he/she is in treatment? ...What will be expected of me? ...What happens when they come home from treatment...Will, he/she act the same without chemicals? …. Will he/she want to be a part of our family again? etc.

We think you will feel less alone and less unique when you realize that these are feelings most families have when a family member comes into treatment. You will find that talking about these feelings with others, can be very helpful. You may need to get involved in your own recovery from co-dependency (co-addiction). Because usually the drug addict is obsessive and compulsive about drugs while the family members, in turn, will develop an obsessive and compulsive disorder around the addict. This is co-dependency for which there is definitely a way out of the problem. For more information, please feel free to contact us at 032-2389143 or 032-2315229. (FREEMAN)