Deserts

There are some days when the prospect of living alone in a desert, like the ancient monks used to do, actually sounds appealing.Relationships make life complicated-and I don't just mean romantic ones. Every encounter with another human being has the potential to disturb anyone's peace of mind. Our daily encounters with our family, our friends, our colleagues, even strangers have the capacity to make or break our day.

My daily ride to work, for example, challenges me not to lose my temper at an errant jeepney driver, a meandering pedestrian, an overzealous cabdriver and a renegade motorcycle driver who feels the need to fill up every empty space on the road. And I don't even know these people!

My work is dependent on so many people. I go into a classroom full of kids and although I love being with them, it still takes a lot of energy to be completely engaged with them for almost an hour. And although I have great colleagues, this does not exempt me from being affected by differences in opinion or communication gaps that are normal in any organization.

And my friends and my family who've known me the longest, who know me best and who love me most, are the most likely to hurt me (and be hurt by me), as well. It is only those whom we really care about that we allow to see our true selves. And well, let's face it, our true selves aren't always very loveable.

Even my relationship with God isn't a bed of roses either. Sometimes, I think God is too quiet and other times I think my conscience is too loud. I complain that He doesn't answer my prayers as fast as I would want and other times I complain because He's too spontaneous. And it can be very hard to be to pick a fight with Someone who's, well, perfect.

So the list goes on. Which then makes the prospect of living alone in a desert sound very appealing. But when I think about it, the desire to live like a hermit only adds up to about 5 days out of the entire year. Because, in reality, complicated doesn't always mean bad. Complicated also means interesting, uplifting, inspiring and worthwhile.

Which is why, I still haven't moved to the desert.