Learning from mistake

CEBU, Philippines - They were wickedly awful. Some things have to be done. Someone has to tell her about how awful she looked. I wondered whether or not her parents really cared, sending her to school in atrocious "coco-like" yellow pants covered with blue and red flowers. Those pants were, honestly, more than I could possibly bear. Somebody had to tell her about the disaster that covered the lower half of her body. I considered myself as a keen observer and a tactless person. So after surveying the candidates, I elected myself as a spokesperson. And poof! The rest is history.

At that moment, an ordinary day in 3rd grade turned into an "I should've not done that" kind of day. It was like the moment that you just said to your loved one that you don't want him anymore (Ouch!). Little did I know I had set in motion events that would teach me a very important lesson about confrontation.

Have you ever been into a situation wherein you were cornered by a group of friends trying to beat you up because of the tactless and derogatory statements you pulled off?

As she strolled by my table, I allowed her to know in front of all of her peers, exactly what I thought of those pants. About fifteen years passed between my last tactless words about her fashion sense and when she answered. During that time, I had a lot of opportunity to size her up. This was no ordinary 3rd-grade girl I had chosen to annoy. She was about three feet taller than me and had a lot more body weight than I did. She was the kind of girl that no one messed up with; she was definitely the type that you wouldn't want to threaten. "I'm going to beat up at lunch!" she said.

Well that was it. She returned to her seat and I began making my last will and testament. I learned the first lesson about confrontation the hard way. If you want to avoid confrontation, don't be the one starting it. "I can't believe I just did that," I thought to myself. What exactly my English teacher discussed about I couldn't remember. I do remember thinking about what asphalt would taste like. There was no way I was going to be able to do anything to this Goliathess of a classmate, so I sat and waited for the time of my doom. I kept looking at the clock and hoping that maybe it would go back an hour, but it didn't; it kept getting nearer to lunch time.

Since we owned a small "school supplies" store near the school back in my elementary years, I could walk there during lunch hour. Not surprisingly, I felt an urge to go to my grandma during lunch that day. I didn't feel like eating. I didn't feel like doing much of anything. That lunch hour seemed like the shortest hour of my life.

As I started on my walk back to school, I thought of what I was going to do. The only thing I did was to pray to God for help. I prayed for a way to escape from this trial. As I neared the school playground, I could see a group of people gathered near the softball court fence. She stood in the center of the group, waiting for me. My heart missed a beat. When I got closer, the kids stopped talking and stared like the bloodthirsty Persian and Spartan crowd trying to beat one another. The only difference was I stood to be King Leonidas (Sparta) alone and struggling, while they were a whole bunch of soldiers (Persia).

This was it, the end of my life. This huge confrontation was about a pair of pants. I took one last sweet gulp of air before she pushed me against the fence. It hurt. I bounced off the chain-link toward her and the crowd, but managed to catch myself before I was back within pushing range. I took another shaky breath, "Look, let's just talk about this. Tell me why you are upset." She stared at me but calmed down instantly. She said, "I didn't like the way you made fun of my pants, don't ever do that again." I said, "Okay-sorry," and split the crowd opened as I walked away.

As I walked toward the classroom, my back still hurt a little, but she didn't follow. Everyone returned back to playing softball, and she went back to doing whatever it was she was doing. I felt a thousand times better, now that it was over. At the end of the day, she and I were able to say goodbye. It seemed we gained respect for one another that day.

Looking back on that day, I know that God helped me in that situation, and He taught me some very important lessons in conquering hard-hitting war of words. I learned to be careful about the things I say to others, especially if it will offend them. Some things are better left unsaid, as Justin Timberlake say in his song. I also learned to go to God for the answer and help in taking the best way to handle confrontation. I learned that it is better to talk with the other person than to get hit. Chances are, they are willing to talk and express themselves, as well.

Lastly, I learned to say sorry, allowing myself to move on from the confrontation and not hold grudges. At the end of the day, the girl and I were able to say goodbye as if nothing happened that day.

That was one of the greatest lessons I've learned in my life, and I will never forget that confrontation ever. (FREEMAN)