Positive discipline at home (Last of two parts)

CEBU, Philippines - Last time, we were talking about ways on how to encourage good behavior in children, but if they turn to misbehaving, what can parents do This article will provide tips on how parents can respond.

Responding to Misbehavior in a Positive Way

1. Help your child to understand the effects of their behavior on others. For young children, you will need to do this: "Look, the plate is broken and now Mama is sad". Older children should be able to do this on their own. Talk to your child about how s/he can respond next time. Engage in role play where you and your child play out the appropriate response.

2. Make your child understand that there are consequences for actions. Apply the consequence soon after the behavior and ensure they are relevant to the behavior. Teaching your children about consequences may include asking them to do any of the following:

• Clean up a mess they have made.

• Tidy up their toys when they can't find the one they are looking for.

• Spend time alone (taking 'time out') when their behavior indicates they can no longer play well with others. This is a time for the child to regain their composure and return to the group with their dignity intact.

• Play by themselves when they have been aggressive.

If you threaten your child with a consequence, make sure they are reasonable (not physically and emotionally damaging) and carry them out. Generally threats show our frustration as parents or carergivers and are not a positive way to encourage the behavior we want in children.

3. If you find yourself getting angry and frustrated with your child's behavior, you may need to take time out to deal with your own feelings. It may be best to temporarily remove yourself from a situation you are finding stressful. This may mean making sure your child is safe and leaving the room for a few minutes.

Note that positive discipline should not be mistaken for always being nice. It does not mean only telling children positive things. Doing so only leads to a false sense of who the child is and what the world is like.

Positive discipline is about helping children become capable of self discipline. It is about giving them a realistic, yet positive sense of themselves. They learn to respect themselves and others and recognize that they have a meaningful contribution to make to society. They realize that their actions have consequences both to their lives and to the world. They learn to take responsibility for their fate.

Sources: Naker, D. and Sekitoleko, D., Positive Discipline: Alternatives to Corporal Punishment www.raisingvoices.org

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The FREEMAN and the Ramon Aboitiz Foundation Inc. is running weekly features on Early Childhood Care and Development to emphasize the importance of Early Childhood Care and Development (ECCD) and to increase public support for ECCD.