Even before your baby arrives, mothers are showered with some parenting advice from relatives and friends, and many of them we find very useful along our parenting journey. Though we all agree that there is no “right” way to raising a child, I still believe that each and every upbringing has its similarities and principles, no matter where you come from. But what is truly important is to do what you think is best for your child, so hear out some mothers who wish to share with us their wonderful experiences with their children.
Isabelle Gan: In our culture, we tend to be nervous a lot around our kids. For good reason, we are fearful of our kids getting hurt, touching something dirty, or getting sick from being too cold or hot. The consequence is, however, that sometimes we tend to go overboard resulting in a lot of negative reinforcement: “Oh no, don’t touch that! Careful you might fall! Oh, wear your slippers you’ll catch a cold!”
I was brought up hearing a lot of this from my well-meaning parents and nannies but after living in the United States for many years, I was exposed to a more relaxed parenting style that encourages kids to be more uninhibited. This style plays a big role in bringing up my two kids, especially our son, Lukas (now 3.5 years old) who has a naturally reserved and cautious personality, to begin with. It’s still hard, but I always try to adjust my mothering to include a certain amount of letting go. If I saw them digging in the dirt with their bare hands, for example, I learned to think, “Not a big deal. We can wash their hands later”. When Lukas expressed interest in cooking, I let him stand on a chair and with careful supervision allowing him to stir the food. The same went for touching, exploring things around the house. If it was within their reach, then it should be ok, to shake, tear, write on these items. I long ago learned to simply not have things that were fragile or expensive around them so I wouldn’t have to constantly worry about them being ruined. I also learned to balance between letting him explore things on his own with proper supervision, like when jumping down from a swing or cutting a piece of paper with scissors.
With my second, Rachel (now 12 months), I try to apply the same mothering style. It’s not perfect, of course, as sometimes they get bumps and bruises from their explorations, but we have noticed that Lukas, especially, has become more eager to explore and is less fearful of new situations. Both are definitely learning that the world is one big classroom where any activity can be a fun, learning experience.
Kina Serafica-Ho: After much curiosity about weddings and husbands and wives and my explaining that it should be about finding your true love and being able to stay truly happy together forever, a couple of times, my daughter Kyniska has asked me if she could marry me. I said that as much as it sounds like a very fun and happy idea, it’s just not possible. So one day, she came up to me and asked me, ‘’Mom, do you know who I want to marry when I grow up?” Who, I asked. Kyniska replied, “A tire swing so I can swing everyday and I want my baby to be a TV so I can watch it all day long”. My tip is wishful thinking for more TV time. However, we should set strict limits on TV (time and types of shows) but more importantly provide better alternatives (e.g. outdoor time, board games, crafts, books, etc) instead. Better yet, it should be treated only as an emergency tool.
Sharing the love. After planting kisses on Kyniska, she’s compelled (without fail) to wipe away the precise spot where you kissed her and tap it to her heart. Asked why she does this? “So when you ran out of love, I will just get all the love from my heart and give it to you and papa and so, you’ll have to keep giving me kisses” (then Kyniska giggles). We can never really give our children “too much” love and affection!