Father's Day Special finding the real father

CEBU, Philippines -  When we were small, he was the most important man in our lives. Now that we  are all grown up, he still influences and affects everything we are and do. Sometimes even in ways we don’t suspect and imagine.

FATHERS — everyone has one and everyone needs a dad. We all recognize that fathers are different. There is no single style of fathering that can be prescribed for everyone. Each one inevitably brings his own unique set of gifts, qualities, strengths and weaknesses to the job.

When a true emotional bonding occurs between father and child, a solid foundation is built that will last a lifetime. A sense of personal identity is achieved, core values are acquired, solid convictions are developed and a sense of purpose is attained.

Fathers are our protectors, lawgivers and disciplinarians. They are our warriors and heroes.

However, as we grow older and life gets a bit more complicated, our fathers’ solutions may not always conform to our desires. While their intentions are full of love, sometimes they act without thinking and in the process make wrong judgments. But it certainly does not mean we love them less. Sometimes they don’t do their best even though their hearts are in the right place.

In time, we fully realize they are human and yet we continue to love them. For all the issues with our Dads, we can rely on them to guide us through the world, offering re-assurance and support. All we can do is make every effort to be the person our dads would’ve wanted us to be. That’s really all that any of us can do... just be good, decent people.

Very recently, we had an endearing chat with some of dear friends’ children and this is what they shared of their fathers’ feet of clay:

Robi Joseph

To any doe-eyed son, a father can be seen as a bulwark of bravery, an undefeatable champion whose indomitable spirit inspires heroism and gallantry. But as we elevate them to idol status, we tend to become blind to their own imperfections. Take for example my dad, Bobby Joseph, who in the face of stage-4 renal cancer promised to his legion of followers during a NAITAS conference to fight the good fight and said with quiet confidence, “Cancer lang yan!”  Upon finding out he only had less than a year at most to live, he expedited his advocacies and presently travels around the Philippines promoting leadership and change… four years after his diagnosis. In the wake of unyielding greed in the tourism industry, he continues to promote his Fair Open Skies movement. And that’s really just the tip of the proverbial iceberg as far as his achievements are concerned. Obviously, I hold him in very high regard.

It’s hard to label him as anything less than a “Superdad.” It’s even harder to live up to his standards. For as long as I can remember, I have always believed those inflated Chuck Norris references that describe how tough he is, are more appropriate for my dad.  

 So it was with great surprise and perhaps a twisted sense of relief that I discovered during a recent MRI session that my dad has one niggling fear — claustrophobia. I was surprised because I always thought he was unshakeable and relieved because I realize now he has his own fears and anxieties just like everyone else. When he was told he had to undergo the MRI and Gamma Knife treatment, he readily admitted it made him feel uneasy and showed great concern. Then, as his defense mechanism kicked in, he attempted to abate the situation by jokingly requesting for a “pretty nurse to make the procedure more tolerable”. Eventually, he went through with it, sans the pretty nurse, and with only his loving family gently comforting him with encouraging words. The procedure was a success and he came out of it not scarred but with a renewed sense of hope and an overflowing feeling of gratitude for everyone who’s supported him thus far. What this little revelation has taught me more importantly than anything else, was that it’s ok to have fears. It’s ok to be a little vulnerable. It’s ok to step down from the pedestal every now and then. It wouldn’t make one less of a man. It would make one real. Like my dad. 

Crinkle  Springer and Yomi Agua

The moment we felt that Daddy was human was when he had a heart attack in 2003.  We felt nothing but panic when we received the call that he was in the Emergency Room of Perpetual Succour Hospital and our fear intensified when the doctors told us they’d have to keep him in the ICU for several days.  We don’t think we’ve ever prayed as hard as we did then.  That experience was terrifyingly real. Thanks to the Lord’s kindness, Daddy was discharged after two weeks.  Today, he remains in good health and we thank the Lord everyday for blessing us with a wonderful Dad.

Aimil Sarmiento

Growing up, I viewed my Dad to be the disciplinarian and the authority figure; someone who was stern yet well meaning in his ways. Years later,  it now amuses me how my own sons have so easily found the soft spot in my dad and know exactly how to get him to monkey around with them.  It seems the tables have now turned as I find myself reminding him on what not to teach my kids. Happy Father’s Day Dad! I look forward to seeing you enjoy life as a great father and grandfather.

There you are. For all the superdads, know that you will always be loved and remembered in our hearts.