Creating a harmonious relationships for a healthy you

CEBU, Philippines - Arguments, misunderstanding, irritation, anger – these are some of the many common stressors in every relationship, be they in the family, in the office, or among friends. Somehow, one or two clashes would happen because one does not meet the expectation of the other.

According to the World Health Organization, health is a “state of complete physical, mental, and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.”

This is why many office and school psychologists would promote the holding of inter-personal relationship seminars so that every individual in the group is able to express his or her disappointments with other members of the group, in the hope of building a better and stronger team, and a healthier work or school environment. But, does this really work?

Almost often we return to work the next day or week and another conflict would arise.

Character clashes are very common in the office, in a group, or in any instance when two or more people come together. This is not a surprise since each of us carries this notion of what our ideal friends, officemate, lover, or family member should be. When the people we interact with do not meet the criteria that we have set, then disappointments and arguments are most likely to occur. And this would translate to depression, anxiety, and countless other clinical mental disorders that would hamper one’s efficiency at work or in school.

Relationships, however, need not be tenseful, if only we begin to understand the who, what, and why of our relationships, especially that of the self.

In order for us to understand how to create tense-free relationships, we must first realize that each of us carries character imprints called sanskara which holds the record of all our experiences and the philosophies, expectations, and desires that go with it.

Harmonizing our sanskara with the sanskara of other people can be quite a challenge, considering the difference of experiences that we may have. However, BK Sr. Gopi Patel of the Brahma Kumaris World Spiritual University in London (UK) said that practicing harmonizing the sanskaras within one’s self would make it easier for one to harmonize with the sanskara of other people.

A goal bigger than me

First thing, BK Gopi said that it is important for one to realize why he wants to harmonize sanskaras and why should one make effort for such.

“I am aware that I have sanskara that perhaps are not complete, perfect, but greater than my sanskara is my love for the unified state of being in myself, in my environment and with the people that I am with,” she said.

This aim for unity is a pure intention that is bigger than any of us.

“Unity is beyond me. It’s about each one’s interest. The best of each one coming out to make something beautiful,” she said.

Realizing this, it becomes easy to work towards creating harmony with everyone and every situation that one would encounter.

Creating new sanskaras

Perhaps one of the mistakes which BK Gopi pointed out is the fact that almost always we look at the negative attitude that we want to change. So, we say that we want to eliminate anger and irritation, but the more determined we are at trying to rid ourselves of anger, the angrier we become.

“It doesn’t work because we can’t suppress the sanskara,” she said.

“But what’s the need behind anger? Its peace, so making the effort to be more peaceful would generate a positive energy that’s needed to merge the sanskara of anger. Which makes more sense…and it’s more enjoyable to make effort to become peaceful rather than focusing not to be angry,” she advised.

Focusing on eliminating this sanskara of anger can be unsuccessful, that is why she suggests that instead of trying to eliminate the sanskara of anger, the best move is to create a sanskara of peace which will then negate one’s feeling of anger.

She said that this is better because with this “I can create a state of contentment for myself, a reality for myself, that I feel comfortable with myself rather than beating myself up.”

Once we create this harmony within us, it becomes easier for us to create harmony with our external relationships.

I am right

BK Gopi, however, cautions that one must be wary of his ego because once he/she would believe him/herself to be right then it becomes an obstacle that will prevent harmony inside and out.

“One of the aspects of harmonizing sanskara in Hindi is the word harmany, which means to accept defeat,” she said. “Accepting defeat is not saying I failed and I am not good enough, but more on allowing myself not to buy into this thought that I am right… because the more I buy this thought its actually concreting a negative sanskara… its embedding it.”

For this, she advises that it would be wise for us to continually ask ourselves what matters most to us in every situation, whether it is to be right or if it is “the love that I receive from God…the peace that I experience inside… the wisdom of the knowledge that God is giving me.”

“I feel that exercising that choice is a very important part or step in beginning to create harmony inside,” BK Gopi said.

BK Gopi Patel is an international speaker, spiritual educator, and meditation teacher who pioneered a movement encouraging spiritual empowerment among young people. Straight from her talk in London, she will be in Cebu on June 15 to give a talk entitled “Igniting My Mind To Inner Power.” The talk will be held at the Sinulog Hall of Rizal Memorial Library and Museum along Osmeña Blvd, 6:30 PM. This is a free service to the community. For more information call the Brahma Kumaris at 254-5975.

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