Chemical Dependency: The Recovery Process

CEBU, Philippines - Many of us arrived in Recovery filled with fear. We felt alone and unique. We were desperate and had been unable to find a solution on our own. We had been in a battle for our lives. We had fought to maintain our habit and struggled to hold on to some semblance of normalcy. We began to desire change. It could have been the threat of jail, loss of a job, disintegration of our family, an attempted suicide or witnessing the death of another addict that gave birth to this desire. We felt that we just could not live this way anymore. At some point, we looked at ourselves and could not believe what we had become. We were no longer a complete person rather only an empty shell of our former selves. We were heartsick and ashamed and we looked for a better way. While our using experiences differ, our common denominator is that the process of recovery is the same for all of us. Surrendering to the truth, no matter how painful, is the basic building block of our recovery.

When we show up to claim our lost lives, we get them back but they are probably in need of repair. Recovery is about changing, so we listen and become willing to use suggestions. As we grow in recovery, we regain our vision by degrees. There are several ways to look at a person’s existence. For years now, the members of Twelve Step programs have known we were sick in the areas of sex, security and society. In time, we realize that these relate to lust, greed and pride and relate to our personal state, stature and status. Our state of being, our stature of holdings and our standing within society seem like so many words until we realize they are the very things we will sell our souls for - or get loaded over.

In recovery, we learn to rely on our Higher Power and others who are practicing the recovering way of life. We need their experience, love, understanding and support to begin the practice of this program daily. We must study the spiritual principles of Recovery and learn how to apply those principles in our lives. We must find a Higher Power - whether it is an ideal or a supernatural being makes no difference. Many atheists and agnostics are among our members. As long as we believe - it will work for us. When we first came to recovery and stopped using drugs, we found that we needed others in recovery in much the same way that a new born needs its mother. This is a matter of survival! The only difference between the infant and us is that we don’t outgrow this need.

“Today, I understand the nature of my disease in a much different light than when I first came through the doors looking for a way to “get off drugs.” As long as simply ‘not getting loaded’ was the foundation of my recovery, my disease then had hundreds of options remaining that it could use to keep me sick.

“I couldn’t grasp the idea that a person who wasn’t loaded could still be in active addiction through acting on the obsessive and compulsive nature of this disease in other areas of their lives. I thought that clean time equaled recovery - period! Today, I understand completely that recovery cannot exist without abstinence. However, it took a while for me to understand that I was not in recovery simply because I was no longer doing dope.

“Recovery is possible only when we work the a real recovery program that works. It starts with the willingness to let go of my old ideas. As long as I see drugs as the problem, I remain in that old addictive pattern of blaming someone or something outside of myself for how I act and how I feel. From that viewpoint, it seems natural to continue using things outside of me as the solution to those problems. This way of thinking is at the root of addiction and I must surrender if I am to have a chance at true recovery.”

The objective of ongoing recovery is to keep the growth process alive and happening daily. Practicing principles is the best way to achieve ongoing recovery. In recovery, we are learning to change ‘who we are’ on the inside so we can live better on the outside. Coming face to face with oneself has never been easy and searching for the truth is even harder. It begins with a simple acknowledgment that we have a disease and we need help from others like ourselves. Asking for help is a good way to start and is the best way to keep getting help. With this help, we may see that we have resentment against someone who has harmed us but we do not want to cause harm in return. Our disease makes it hard to ask for help because it would rather keep us angry or confused. We give up, show up, sit down, but most importantly we do no’t pick up. Our basic choice in any situation is either freedom or bondage but it is only available if we can see and exercise our choice.

The thoughts of using come to many of us frequently during early recovery. These thoughts can seem so real that we can almost taste the stuff. Some addicts even fantasize themselves right out of the rooms. We must accept that using thoughts are common to us and realize that we are not alone or unique when we experience them. It is quite normal for such thoughts to come especially during emotional crises. Some say that the time to worry would be when this did not happen. Arguments, the death of a loved one, losing a job, separation or divorce are some of the more recognizable situations that seem to trigger these thoughts. Many members share that sometimes they have these thoughts simply because they heard a familiar song on the radio, a blizzard hit town, or they ran into an old friend. We may find ourselves on dangerous ground because we find that our reservations actually increased our desire to use. Many have relapsed not realizing that this selective fantasizing is what took them out. Remember addiction is cunning, baffling, powerful, And most important of all very patient for us to make the wrong move that will bring us back to that first drink. Today I know that no excuse is good enough for me to go back to active using of drugs. I got my life back and do not want to go back to the Hell I was in.

Today, we have a solution to this problem - it is called ‘thinking things all the way through.’ This means that instead of trying to force the thought out of our minds, we continue with the fantasy and make sure to include the pain and despair that comes with using. We remind ourselves of our frantic struggles for money, loss of friends, withdrawal, trouble with the law and major health problems. When we force ourselves to think things through, we can see both sides of reality and we increase our desire to stop using. Many of us find that these using thoughts came less often after we began practicing this new tool of recovery. As we confront our reservations, our mind begins to comprehend that we do not want to use under any circumstances. Events that once triggered obsessive behavior only cause a passing thought today. God gives us the power to recover. For more information please feel free to contact us anytime at 032-2315229 or 032-2389143. ?