As I’ve gotten older, I’ve found that my choices for gifts for my dad keep getting more and more limited. For one thing, he has way more money than I do, so whatever he can afford, he usually has. Whatever he can’t afford, neither can I. That leaves me with whatever he hasn’t bought yet because he hasn’t seen. But as my dad is retired and spends more time in the malls than I do, there’s very little he hasn’t seen. So it is always with a little bit of frustration and a little bit of guilt that I go shopping for my dad on his birthday, Christmas and Fathers’ Day (not because I think my dad attaches too much importance on what I can and cannot buy but because I do love giving him back a little of what he’s given me throughout my life). But this year, I’m off the hook. My dad is out of town. So I thought, I’d take some time and take stock of my favorite gifts from my dad.
One of my favorite gifts from my dad is his sense of humor. My dad loves telling jokes and making people laugh. His quick remarks and witty comebacks are par for the course (golf pun intended). I must admit, however, that I did not always like being teased or laughed at, but over the years, it has given me a very healthy sense of self. I don’t always need to take myself and others too seriously. I realize now, that having a sense of humor is not an asset; it is, in fact, a very necessary skill for a happy life. To be able to laugh at myself when things don’t turn out the way they should and to be able to look at difficult situations and find amusement in the irony have helped me through many difficult times. Having a sense of humor is not just having the ability to laugh but it is a way of looking at the world and expecting to find joy in it, regardless of the circumstance.
From my dad I’ve learned that everything worth doing is worth doing well. He takes great pains to ensure that the details are taken cared of. Growing up (and even to this day), I often had to be reminded that there was a certain way of doing things. Schoolwork didn’t just have to be finished; it had to be done well. Exams were prepared for. Declamation pieces were rehearsed. Clothes ought to be neat and well matched. Collars had to be turned down. Shirts tucked in. Shoes shined. Cars parked in between the lines. Granted, I’m still not the world’s neatest person and parking will always be a bit of a problem. But learning to do things well and being mindful of the details have greatly influenced the way I work. There is a sense of pride and accomplishment in not settling for mediocrity, whether or not people around me notice.
Another beautiful gift I’ve received from my dad is the ability to have purely platonic relationships with guys. I almost took this gift for granted until I realized that some women are incapable of regarding guys as just friends. But my dad and I, we’ve always been buddies. Oh, I knew he was my parent but we could always just hang out—watch movies together, watch tennis together, eat out, shop, chit-chat about anything, really. I’m not the type of girl that people think would label as “one of the guys.” I’ll be darned if I ever play basketball or talk about cars and chicks or go out drinking just to be part of the crowd. But over the years, I’ve had really good friendships with people from the opposite sex. And I didn’t have to deal with the anxiety and pressure of having to turn these friendships into something more than what they were. Despite what show business says, people really can be “just friends.” And I have my dad to thank for that.
Another really great gift from my dad, whether he is aware of it or not, is my relationship with him made it so much easier for me to have a relationship with God the Father. It’s so easy to think of God as a loving father when I already have one. How strange would it be to pray the “Our Father,” and have an awkward or strained relationship with my dad? Although my dad is far from perfect, he has done his best. And his best has always made me feel safe and strong, secure and watched over. And he’s always made it easy to turn to him whether it was in joy and excitement or fear and sadness.
And finally, the best gift my dad has given me is loving my mother faithfully. The next best thing, is loving my sisters and me unconditionally. Growing up, I never had to worry that my family would fall apart. I never had to be insecure that one day I would go home and not find either of my parents because they couldn’t work out their differences. I’ve always believed that children who grow up loved, survive anything. I have been loved enough to last me ten lifetimes. My dad (and my mom too) hasn’t always understood the choices I’ve made, but he’s loved me every step of the way. I have grown up knowing that I should never settle for anything less than for a man to treat me like a treasure. And even if my heart got broken a couple of times, I never lost sense of who I was because I knew what I was worth. I have grown up knowing that men are capable of being heroic and strong and that those men who cheated and were unfaithful are the exception and not the rule. I grew up with a man who knows what it means to be a father.
So, on this day when we celebrate the best of fatherhood, allow me some space for my shout-outs. Here is to my lolo, my father’s father, who taught my father how to be a man. Here is to my mother’s father, who made her feel precious and taught her how to choose well. Here is to my brothers-in-law, my uncles, my cousins and their families. Here is to my friends who are struggling with fatherhood in one way or another. Here is to the dedicated and silent fathers out there whose children do not have an opportunity to greet publicly but who are nonetheless loved. Here is to the priests people take for granted but who father their flocks in more ways than one. And here’s to St. Joseph and his quiet and humble ways. And here is to my dad, whom I am grateful for, beyond all telling. And here’s to God, who gave him to me. Happy Fathers’ Day!