Drug Addiction & Relationships

CEBU, Philippines - Drug & Alcohol Addiction has also been described as a relationship problem. At the beginning they turned to drug and alcohol abuse as an escape from uncomfortable, or unhealthy, relationships. As the months and years go by eventually the person who abused drugs and/or alcohol ends up having a very dysfunctional, sick and unhealthy relationship with drugs and alcohol itself. Once a chemically dependent person (addict/alcoholic) uses a drug or alcohol, their immediate next thought is How, When, & Where the next fix is coming from. They have come to develop an obsessive (constant thoughts on the use of drugs and/or alcohol), and once the using is started, the compulsion to use drugs and/or alcohol again, and again, and again, comes into play. So we can safely say that Chemical Dependency is an obsessive and compulsive relationship with Drugs and/or Alcohol.

Because of this obsessive/compulsive relationship with drugs, addicts/alcoholics end up lying, stealing and cheating to be able to have drugs/alcohol. Then do even more lying, stealing and cheating to have even more drugs and and/or alcohol. As the addict’s/alcoholic’s dysfunctional relationship with drugs and/or alcohol gets worse over months and years of abuse. Eventually, the family and significant others of the addict/alcoholic get affected too by these behaviors. As the pain of being in a relationship with an addict/alcoholic gets worse, the family starts to develop controlling, enabling, and denial patterns of behaviors and thinking that are as dysfunctional as that of the chemically dependent. As they start to follow these dysfunctional patterns of behaving and thinking in months and eventually years. The dysfunctional patterns eventually become their normal way of relating to themselves and others. The sad thing is that when the drug and/or alcohol use stops, the dysfunctional patterns of behaviors of both the dependent and co-dependents, continue. This in turn will be the trigger that will spark the relapse of both the co-dependent and dependent.

Therefore, for there to be true and lasting recovery from chemical dependency and co-dependency. We have to look into the dysfunctional relationships and try to turn them functional or healthy relationships. Healthy relationships are dependent on our determination to recognize and confront what constitutes sick relationships. Let us first look at some of the characteristics. That creates unhealthy relationships:

Closed, narrow, bigoted, controlling

A relationship cannot develop and grow if it excludes the possibility of change.

Silent, moody, selfish, resentful

It is emotionally painful to live with someone you do not know and who does not want to be known.

Aggressive, violent, angry, jealous

The root of so much aggression and violence is fear. 

Low self-esteem, lies, manipulation, people-pleasing

You cannot please all the people all of the time

Rigid, uncompromising, proud, arrogant

Any relationship requires willingness to bend

Selfish, egotistical, thoughtless, spoiled

Many children who are spoiled by their parents, given everything they ever wanted at their slightest whim, grow up to be dysfunctionally selfish. 

Emotionally cold, unaffectionate, detached, unresponsive

Many adults, who were hurt in their childhood, having been emotionally and/or sexually abused, often are unable to create a physical contact in relationships.

Isolated, uncommunicative, lonely, boring

All relationships are based on people wanting to come together – to know and be known. 

Health problems (hungry, angry, lonely, tired)

A healthy person has the possibility of being an exciting, loving, caring and successful person. 

Negative, destructive, cynical, and pessimistic

Any healthy relationship is a positive statement about life. 

Spirituality is about being willing to reach out into new areas, engage in new and different relationships, and enjoy the richness of the Creators world. As they grow in recovery, they develop the capacity to react differently to painful situations and overcome them. They learn that mistakes can make for new conquests. That lasting joys and achievements are born in the risk.

You now have clearly seen the characteristics that create and sustain dysfunctional relationships. All these characteristics would destroy any relationship with A) ourselves, B) other people and C) God.

Here are a few suggestions for a healthy relationship with ourselves, other people and God:

•Accept criticism gratefully, being appreciative of the opportunity to improve.

•Do not indulge in self-pity.

•Do not expect special consideration from anyone.

•Seek to express your feelings responsibly.

•Realize that no person or situation is wholly good or bad.

•Seek to endure defeat and disappointment without whining or complaining.

•Do not worry unduly about things that are not your responsibility.

•Do not boast or “show off” in a socially unacceptable manner.

•Enjoy the success and good fortune of others.

•Remain open-minded and listen thoughtfully to the opinion of others.

•Do not harbor resentments.

•Remember that nobody is perfect, we are not God.

Today I strive to follow these suggestions on a daily basis. I still cannot apply them all perfectly, and I believe I never will. But today I just strive for progress for the better in my relationships with myself, others, and God, on a daily basis. Doing things this way I can surely and clearly say that my life and my relationships with myself, others and the God of my understanding is getting better. Today I’ve finally been able to tell myself that I do not have to suffer unhealthy/dysfunctional relationships anymore. I just try to improve myself and leave the dysfunctional relationships behind as lessons to remind me how easily I can get hurt if I allow myself to get hurt. For more information, or should you have any questions about Drug and /or Alcohol Addiction. Please feel free to contact us anytime at tel. nos.: 63-32-2315229 or 63-32-2389143.