Because the baby is now called kuya

Kuya. That’s how my three-year-old boy would want to be called nowadays. If we want him to get us something, we call him kuya just so he would say yes.  If he tarries in going to school, we remind him that kuyas are supposed to go to school so they can teach their baby sisters how to read and write. If he becomes naughty, we tell him again that he is a kuya and that he should not be bad so that his baby sister will not follow him.

For days it has been like that. We call him kuya and the sound of it never fails to make him smile. But how can you teach your three-year-old boy to be the best kuya? How does a toddler cope up with the new role, being the active yet naive kid that he is?

The moment my baby cries, he would run to her side and tries to cuddle her. And if his father reprimands him, he would reason out that his baby sister needs his hugs as not to make her cry. There was a time when he covered his baby sister’s face with her baby clothing simply because he was worried she might be cold; that one instance when he tiptoed around his baby sister and secretly fed her with chocolate, and when I shouted at him, he just looked at me with innocent eyes and told me he just wanted to share.

Again, the question. How can I let my kid care for his three-month-old baby sister and not literally endanger her life? How can I make my child understand that what he is doing can jeopardize his baby sister’s health without hurting his feelings? 

For nearly three months I tried to look for answers. And then I found it.

I took my kid out for a stroll, and asked him what he feels about his baby sister. He then told me he loves his sister and would want to play with her always. I gently told him that his baby sister is still too small to play with and that even other people are not welcome at all to touch her. He was a little confused, judging from the looks that he gave me, and in a whisper he said,“Ako mana baby, ako mana love.”  He was in the brink of tears, so I continued.  “But since you are her kuya and you are special, then you are welcome to kiss her. But with mama and papa’s permission, of course,” I said, giving emphasis on the condition. For a moment he looked unyielding, but then his eyes lit up and he asked again, “If office mo ni papa, can I ask Nanay?”  I was suddenly overwhelmed with emotions and this time, I hugged him and said yes. “Okay. Ako lang sad watch baby aron walay tawo mo touch niya kay kuya man ko.” He added, very pleased with himself. 

And with that conviction, I know he understood me. We have come to a certain compromise that can at least ease my worries. I know we still need to watch out for him, but then I understand now, that my boy is just trying to be him – the normal toddler who needs attention, the three-year-old boy that is just so curious with things around him, the kuya who badly wants to show his love to his baby sister. 

Kuya. I repeated the word over and over again in my mind. My baby whom I cared for for three years has now become the big brother. The brother whom for now, needs to be watched over everytime he is with his baby sister, but would someday be the protector of his sister. The sibling whom his sister will turn to if she needs him. The kuya whom I am sure, would be the best kuya there will be in the coming years.

I gaze at my baby boy’s face as he peacefully sleeps on my lap. I gently gave him a kiss and smiled to myself. Because my baby, is now called kuya.