Keeeping your kids drug-free!

Part 3 of 3 parts

Building a relationship with your child is very important because when the time comes that you have to punish him or her for a wrongdoing, or start to set limits, your child will see the action as an act of love.

Here are additional ways for you to build a strong bond with your child.

Honesty and Truth

Your kid asks you the question you've feared - did you ever do drugs? You want to be honest because you love and respect them, but, unless the answer is an unqualified "no," it's a difficult question. Regardless of your own history with drugs, it's your responsibility to set limits for your child and to tell them, "In this family drug use is not acceptable."

 What's important is that you listen to your children and what they're asking - even if it's upsetting - try to avoid an argument. If you have done drugs in the past, you can tell the truth to your child without appearing to be a hypocrite because, at one time in their lives, everyone has done something they wish they hadn't. Remember - the issue isn't your past; it's your children's future.

The key is to look at this as an opportunity - your kids have come to you to discuss something that's troubling them. Listen to what they are saying. What's important is to state firmly that you don't want them to do anything that's bad for them - especially smoking, drinking and drugs.

Help them to Deal With Peer Pressure

No matter where children grow up or who their friends are, nearly all of them are confronted at some time or another by friends with bad ideas - ways of testing limits, getting in trouble, and doing things they'll regret later. It's not so hard saying, "No thanks, I have to go now" to a stranger. But it's a lot tougher when a child's friend - especially one whose approval means a lot to him or her - tries to get them to do something they know is wrong.

Even "good kids" occasionally pester their friends into skipping a class or lying about why they were out together so late. But if friends or acquaintances entice your children to try tobacco, alcohol, or drugs, the consequences can be more serious. The best way to prepare children to succeed in these encounters is to "role play" - practice similar scenarios in advance. With the right words at the tip of their tongue, children can assert their independence while making it clear that they're rejecting their friends' choices and not the friends themselves.

Here is a potential role-playing scenario for you to try with your daughter (You can turn the scenario around for your boys, or come up with other scenarios that fit the same pattern - anything to get your children to practice their own resistance skills):

Take the role of a boy she likes and try to persuade her to share a six-pack of beer with you. What can she say? "You're such a jerk!" is alienating. "I don't know..." leaves the door open and sounds like she could be coaxed. The middle ground, in which she's firm but friendly, works best. Help her rehearse key phrases that give reasons for why she simply won't have a beer. Such as:

- "My parents would kill me if they found out, and they always find out!"

- "No, I'm not into that stuff."

- "I tried it once, and I hate the taste."

- "My parents trust me to not drink, and I don't want to break that trust."

Or she could state the consequences of drinking:

- "Drinking would make me feel out of control, and I hate that."

She'll need to be prepared for protests. She can meet them with the "broken record" technique, in which she repeats her reason for not drinking over and over until attempts at persuading her cease. Or she can make it clear that the discussion about beer is over by changing the subject: "Did you watch the basketball game last night?" or "Hey, do you know if that concert's sold out?" If all else fails, she should leave the scene, saying, "I've got to go."

Praise Positive Behavior.

What encourages a kid more than his or her parents' approval?  The right word at the right time can strengthen the bond that helps keep your child away from drugs. Emphasize the things your kid does right and restrain the urge to be critical.

Try to:

Reward good behaviour consistently and immediately.

Expressions of love, appreciation and thanks go a long way.

Even kids who think themselves too old for hugs will appreciate a pat on the back or a special treat.

Accentuate the positive. Emphasize the things your kid does right. Rein in the urge to be critical. Affection and respect - making your child feel good about himself - will reinforce good (and change bad) behaviour far more successfully than embarrassment or uneasiness.

Show them your love

The best way you can help your kids avoid destructive behaviour is to spend time with them, talking to them about their friends, school activities, and asking them what they think.

Research shows that knowing your kids, who they hang out with and their parents - dramatically reduces the likelihood that they will get into trouble with tobacco, alcohol, and drugs.

Go out for a pizza.

Go skating or biking.

Go to a movie.

Listen to music together.

Most importantly, tell your kids you love them.

For more information, please feel free to contact us at Recovery House anytime at telephone numbers 62-32-2315229 or 63-32-233-1881. Or visit us at Recovery House, Sanson Road Extension, Lahug, Cebu City.