Talking with Teenagers about Sex

The most challenging role any parent can have today is parenting a teenager. In our part, we have four teenagers growing side by side. The most challenging is our second child who is now 19 years old. We thought we’d be over the difficulty by this time, but he is ever more difficult as his 18 year old brother is starting to unfold his dislike and anger toward his elder brother because they are living two worlds apart. The younger is clean cut, hair well combed, his things in order (with a nuance of being an obsessive/compulsive) while the older, is the exact opposite. He does not care if his clothes have holes in it or whether they were ironed. His hair is long and unkempt, saying “it’s cool.”  He began dating when he was 14.

Every parent is concerned when their children start dating and have exclusive relationships. At first, we didn’t know how to deal with this. We realized talking about it made it easier. We were concerned because of the increasing cases of teen pregnancies.   We were concerned that 14 was too early for dating.  (Our second son also had his first girlfriend at about the same age!) What we did was to have a talk with our son.

We asked him questions to find out how he felt and what were his ideas about having an exclusive relationship. He reasoned that he wanted to “get to know more” this girl that he really liked and he felt that the only way to do so could be an exclusive relationship and that another guy would get her if he will not. We pointed out to him other ways of getting to know a person.  We talked about his feelings when the girl shows him some affection. He admitted the strange feeling that surges inside him. He was a bit embarrassed when we talked about the biological aspects of getting aroused. He admitted that this could lead to sex and the result would have the girl pregnant. He admitted that he is not ready for such an eventuality. This gave us a chance to talk to him about his responsibilities in a relationship and the boundaries. We stressed the importance of awareness and knowing what to do. We suggested ways of how to handle difficult situations and how to get out of compromising situations. We could see that our son felt relieved that we were able to talk to him about this matter. 

Today, our sons are allowed to go out on dates but always with the reminder of their responsibilities. When we see them too demonstrative of their affections with their girlfriends, we give some reminders and they do not resent it at all. With all the pressure that the teenagers are going through, their parents should be their support and friend, rather than their tormentor and enemy.

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