What makes us do it?

The issue of whether feeling prompts action or action gives rise to feeling is as circuitous as to which came first, the chicken or the egg? An argument supporting one position can be used to support the other, as well. It seems there is no conclusive answer.

But the legendary American psychologist William James asserted, “Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together.” He theorized further that “by regulating the action, which is under more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not.”

There are, at least, two main points in James’ theory. One is that we are not directly accountable for our emotions, such that we cannot be considered better or worse people purely on the basis of the way we feel. We are not directly in control of our feelings; therefore, these shall not be used to judge our character.

The other point is that our actions are within our own capacity to control and we can choose to do certain actions that will make us feel in certain ways. We can, by our actions, effectively break away from total subservience to our feelings and be able to produce emotions according to our wishes, albeit indirectly. Many successful therapy programs for behavior modification are founded on this principle.

Let’s go back to the first point, that of exempting ourselves from judgments based on our thoughts, attitudes, and feelings, which are involuntary. Each of us has our own personal way of seeing life, a complex set of traits that conditions our experience of and reaction to every life event. Several people in the same place and under precisely the same conditions will not have exactly the same experience.

To a great extent, our past actions help produce the core values which make up our present personality. We decided on those past actions; they were voluntary undertakings, as most of our actions are. However, now that our character has been formed, it is not a matter of choice on our part anymore. To change our personality, we’ve got to undertake new actions to create another pattern of behavior.

Although not at all easy, we can actually make enlightened, determined choices of action to become the new person we want to be. We need not waste away the rest of our lives, blaming ourselves for our fear of authorities, or for the fact that we can’t enjoy sex, or that we’re lacking in self-confidence. If we have to blame ourselves for anything, it must for the things we do, and not for the way we feel or what we are.

“What’s the point of that?” you may ask. Many people blame themselves for what they cannot directly control, thus veering their attention away from their bad choices and emotionally exempting themselves from doing activities which they know would help them improve but don’t want to undertake. In short, it’s an escape route.

Many obese people, for instance, eat compulsively when they’re anxious. Unfortunately, their size alone already triggers anxiety. So, they’re eternally obese and anxious and eating most of the time. Then they hate themselves for being fat. With their self-esteem down, they complain that they’re unattractive and are not of much value to anyone. At this point, their eating habits are no longer the issue. Their attention is now diverted to their obesity and how bad they feel about it. Then they feel guilty for feeling bad, because somewhere in their heads they know that they caused it all.

By dwelling on the non-directly controllable aspects of their problem, it’s natural for obese people to feel helpless. They won’t even try to exert an effort about their bloated bodies, “because it won’t help anyway.” They hesitate to discuss about their overeating, because stopping the habit will mean losing what little pleasure is left for them. They’ll reason that their friends eat the same food they’re eating without getting fat. What they won’t say is that their lean-bodied friends are eating the same pork chops and ice cream, but in much smaller portions and much less frequently.

Being fat may not be directly a matter choice, but the act of eating too much is. It will help to make a very simple distinction—between what is voluntary and what is not. There’s no point in hating oneself for obesity, as though the obesity was a choice, and in that way, one’s eating habits become less of an issue.

There’s no sense in berating ourselves for the consequences of our choices, something that we can’t directly control. When it’s raining and we go out without an umbrella, we’re sure to get wet. Shall we blame ourselves? Yes. Not for getting wet though, but for not using an umbrella to protect us from the rain. Oh yes, we can use the bad experience as a reminder to always bring an umbrella when it rains, but not to condemn ourselves by feeling bad for getting wet. We’re better off to train our attention at what we have direct control on.

Don’t blame yourself for being afraid of your boss. It won’t help chiding yourself for feeling that way; you might only aggravate your fear. Like being obese or getting wet in the rain, your fear may be a consequence of poor choices you have made. If doing a lousy job while the boss was away made you frightened of him, blaming yourself for taking advantage of his absence is one of many steps you can take towards rectifying your mistake and, eventually, to becoming less afraid.

We must also acknowledge the fact that other people – especially people of importance in our life – have the power to spark off certain feelings in us. A nagging wife may arouse in her husband a desire for another woman. The husband, though, must realize that it’s bad enough that he has a nagger for a wife and that no matter how bad he may be feeling about her, he need not make matters worse by having an illicit affair.

Feeling can encourage action in the same way that action can produce feeling. We all know how our own feeling of loneliness often fades away after we make a phone call to a friend or visit a loved one. The reverse is true, as well; we say bad words and do crazy things when we’re angry or hurt. But, in truth, neither our own emotions nor the devil himself can make us do anything as much as we ourselves may choose to. 

We are emotional creatures as we are, at the same time, insightful, rational beings. Yet we can decide which part we want to be more of. We can choose whether to act upon a feeling or to resist it; and, instead, do something else to diffuse the unwanted emotion. We can blindly submit ourselves to our feelings and be its slave. Or we can choose to ride over them and be the master. (E-MAIL: modequillo @hotmail.com)