Lessons of a same-sex relationship

"Learn lessons from your bad experience so that everytime you fall down you could always get up and be a better person. If we fall down mobarug ta ug dali nga mamaspas sa abog (we stand up quickly, dust ourselves)and move on ."

So said Jude Mendoza, a "lady boy" medical technogist who works for a government agency. Gifted with a beautiful face and a naturally flawless skin, Jude projects a happy demeanor, has nice words for everyone but at the same time commands authority and class. In short, Jude is a picture of a contented being, living each day with joy and a sunny disposition.

Who would have thought that three years ago, Jude was a wounded heart after deciding to end an eight-year relationship with a straight man? It was painful, really heart breaking since their lives revolved just around the two of them. In the last seven years of that relationship, everything was colorful, exciting, satisfying and promising. During those years, they lived like husband and wife, in their world there was only the two of them, no threat, no disturbance. Their love story started through a common friend.

He would often drop by Jude's office. At first Jude did not mind him, until officemates started teasing and pairing them off. " One thing led to another, sungog-sungog until we became closer. It was more like MU (mutual understanding), there was no formal proposal. Unya mao nato kami na (And so we became related) and after three months gipaila-ila ko sa iyang parents."

The relationship eventually blossomed. Of course some conservatives criticized the developing love story, but Jude never gave a damn. But deep inside, Jude never thought they would last that long; there were no expectations whatsover. It was like enjoying each moment while it lasted. The guy was the silent type, if he was jealous he never showed it. But the most important point is that both were faithful to each other.

"He also made it a point to make things work. A relationship is like a boat with two passengers. Kung usa ray magbugsay, it's either dugay or dili gyud mo moabot kay kapuyan na og bugsay. So dapat ang duha maoy mamugsay (If only one paddles, you either get delayed or never get to your destination because the love paddler would get tired. Two should paddle together)," Jude shared.

At the beginning when the guy was jobless, it was Jude who took charge of their basic needs but when he was already employed, the arrangement changed. " I was holding on to his money. Part of his salary pagunitan niya nako (he asked me to keep) for whatever expenses namong duha. Kuhaon ko niya sa office kada hapon kay dungan mi og uli. Pinangga sad nako siya, akong timplahan og gatas, akoy magluto para namo, inig ka buntag andamon nako ang iyang isul-ob. Ang molaba hinoon kay ang helper sa akong mommy (He would pick me up at the office each afternoon so we would go home together. I would give him a glass of milk, cook for him, prepare his clothes every morning - as signs of my affection. It was my mother's helper though who washed our clothes)," Jude reminisced, stressing that in the last few years of their relationship they lived in the Mendoza residence. Their respected families never questioned them, but rather welcomed them with open arms.

Indeed it was a harmonious love story until on their eigth year, Jude discovered there was "third party." The guy was dating a woman, which Jude could not accept. It was Jude's decision to put an end to the relationship, even if the guy did not want to. "Basically, we are just humans nga dili gyud gusto nga naay lain, naay third party (we don't want someone else in the picture). We are still normal people, dili bato ang atong kasingkasing. Pareha sa mga heterosexuals, sila sad dili gusto nga dunay lain (our hearts are not made of stone. Just like heterosexuals, they don't want a third party either) ," Jude explained why it was time to quit.

"I knew it will never be the same again. So I told him, I would rather endure one big pain at one time than endure small pains every moment of my life." Jude was firm about it. " I did not make drama nga 'mamili ka' ('you choose), kay I knew dili ako'y pilion (I won't be the choice)." It was never easy, because eight years is a long time. There were so many happy memories, full of sharing, packed with care, thoughfulness, respect and yes, love.At first, there was bitterness on Jude's part but eventually the pain ceased and the wounded heart healed. "Looking back, I could say those were happy times because he was faithful,"Jude said.

That was Jude's most serious and longest relationship that left three valuable lessons as far as same-sex relationship is concerned:"don't expect that it will last because it never will; love yourself first because if you don't, who would love you back? And when its time to go, pack up and go. It hurts but you have to live with it."

Now Jude is dating someone else. And who knows if this would be better than the last, worthy of another article for Valentines day next year?