'I love you, you're perfect, now change'

Love is blind that lovers cannot see. One is perfect whom we love. The beloved is just right the way he or she is, nothing more, nothing less. Even imperfections become endearing traits. There's nothing whatsoever to change about a loved one. If only Cupid's spell can last forever.

The theatrical production entitled "I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change" that ran on three play dates, with matinees and galas, at the SM Cinema 2, last week was a smart treatise on love and marriage. Although the audience, especially on the final gala on July 29th, was mostly students, the message surely hit right-that more than anything, marriage is a commitment.

A short breakfast scene in the middle of the second half of the play was most unforgettable. An elderly couple sat at the table, both perusing the day's newspapers. Shortly, the man began trying to have a conversation with his wife. She didn't notice his cues, or maybe she was ignoring him intentionally. She was more interested in her reading than in him. Hurt, the man had his awakening, finally seeing the difficult truth. He wondered silently how he could have tolerated her insensitivity and persevered in her cold company for forty long years.

Even if only for that short, casual scene, Little Boy Production's presentation of Repertory Philippines' version of the popular American play was worth it. It was worth anything it cost every member of the audience to watch it: time, effort, money, and even if, to many, it meant skipping their usual Saturday night out.

To truly love a person is to accept that person for what he or she is. But who knows what true love is? Often we fall for the one who's popular or good-looking, or intelligent, or affluent, or who's simply available. Often we are too enamored to be thinking straight when deciding on marriage.

The truth is that marriage has little to do with moonlight and stars and roses. Marriage is fundamentally a permanent promise between two consenting adults to cling to each other until death. It is often restricting, frustrating, boring and wobbly-and the perfect mate, despite what we read in romance novels, does not exist.

But does one have to remain with a spouse he has come to detest? Is maintaining the status quo, no matter how ugly, a better option to saying goodbye? Is it about the children, if they have any? Or is he really still in love with her and is hopeful that she will change or that soon her flaws will no longer bother him? Oftentimes, the agonizing spouse has no answers. He doesn't know.

Most husbands and wives spend their lives together in half-awake existence. Both are aware that they have someone to lean on, so that no one really takes full responsibility of the union. When the marriage hits a snag, either spouse is only half to blame.

We are told that in marriage we should be able to grow, to find ourselves, to be ourselves. Interestingly, we cannot be entirely ourselves even with our closest friends. Some proper behavior, some courtesy, some selflessness are required. Too much familiarity breeds contempt.

And married people should be mature enough to understand their situation, to have some sense of individuality, as well as joint responsibility, for the marriage work, to enjoy as well as to endure each other's company.

It's sad how people today view a lifelong union as more and more of an impossibility that many are finding it difficult to stay married to one partner for life. This is evidenced by mounting marriage-annulment cases filed in our courts. Yet the same people have no problem staying on the same stressful jobs, residing in the same ugly neighborhoods or sticking to the same ineffective political parties for the rest of their lives.

"Marriage is different," they say, "it's more complex because of the intimacy involved." Well, maybe. But the difference may not really be as big as they think. Couples spend more waking hours with their colleagues in the office than they do with their mates at home. Intimacy may sometimes be a burden, yes. But it need not burden the person every minute of his life.

The growing flippancy with which couples decide to end an imperfect marriage is distressing. Spouses have become so conscious of their individual rights. They easily exchange the values of loyalty, selflessness and duty with those of comfort, convenience and personal freedom.

When a spouse complains that the marital "spark" has faded out, it is often that he or she, too, has stopped fanning the fire. The one who utters the line "I love you, you're perfect, now change" is forgetting that people are not in this world to live up to each other's expectations, but that if they can accept each other's shortcomings, they can have a wonderful life together!

It might seem that the two-hour presentation was to such a serious play have been able to impart such deep insights. No, it was not. It was, in fact, a hilarious play. And that's one nice thing about it-it was profound without being preachy.