Camille Prats: Woman of strength (First of 2 Parts)

CEBU, Philippines - It’s been over ten months now since Camille Prats was widowed at the young age of 26. While sudden bouts of grief still visit her every now and then, it’s been definitely upwards and onwards for the actress in the personal and professional aspects of her life.

The former child wonder who shot to fame in the early ’90s via the hit film adaptation Sarah, Ang Munting Prinsesa has two daily shows keeping her relevant: The fantasy-drama primetime series Luna Blanca on GMA-7 and the women’s talk show Mars on GMA News TV. She is also shooting the movie Ben Tumbling, where she plays the sister of the notorious kingpin played by Jeric Ejercito, son of Gov. ER Ejercito.

Camille plays a pivotal role in the said film, as it is from her character’s viewpoint that the story is told. On the side, she actively manages their family-owned pre-school, Divine Angels Montessori, which recently expanded to accommodate pupils up until the fourth grade.

Her foremost job though, and the one she cherishes the most, is being mom to her four-year-old son Nathan — a spitting image and character of her late husband Anthony who last year succumbed to the Big C. With much candor, Camille opened up on her loss, on how she waded through the pain, and additionally revealed how she remained grounded as a child star. 

How are you now?

I can say that I’m getting better compared to how I was while doing “Munting Heredera.” That was a show that meant a lot to me because that’s when everything happened. Everything happened to my husband during that span of time — noong okey pa siya, until he got sicker and then hanggang sa nawala siya. Now I can say that medyo okey-okey na. Hindi na kasing bigat noong first few months, and after the holidays, which was the hardest part. Of course, there are moments na sobrang okey ka, sobrang saya mo, pero biglang parang masisiraan na ako ng bait. Minsan tumatawa ka tapos biglang umiiyak ka na lang. Director Cathy Garcia Molina, she’s a friend of mine, warned me about it, that eventually you’ll be okay, you’ll feel better and you’ll feel like you’re moving on but there will be a time na bigla lang ‘yang papasok sa ‘yo, walang pinipiling oras. Minsan nagtu-toothbrush ka, ang ayos mo, tumatawa ka then bigla kang iiyak. My son, who looks like my husband so much, reminds me of him in the way he moves. Minsan nagugulat talaga ako na parang siya talaga yung kausap at kasama ko.

How did you help yourself move on?

When he was sick there was a point that he didn’t want treatment anymore. When that happened, unti-unti kong sinasabi sa sarili ko na, “Naku, mukhang malabo na.” But of course, the hope was there that maybe he’ll get better. There’s always a miracle lalo na kung ipagdadasal mo talaga na makuha mo yung isang bagay. But maybe there are really instances where no matter how much you want something, it’s not really for you. Maybe it’s what God wants for us. So when he refused treatment, that’s when I started preparing myself. At first, I was angry, like, “Hindi ka pwedeng hindi mag-treatment!” Then I realized, hindi ko naman kasi katawan ‘yun. What if that was me and I also didn’t want treatment anymore? Siya yung nagpapagamot, siya yung dumadaan sa lahat ng yun, sa lahat ng hirap. So I needed to accept it and prepare myself on the worse that could happen.

Did work help you get by?

Yes of course. It’s always good that you’re busy doing something that you love to do. There are days in a week that I don’t think about Camille. I think about my character and I play around with that character. This is my life for the day. I don’t have any baggage or problems. After the taping, that’s when I go back to reality. And I feel so much better and lighter. If there are times that I need to cry in a scene, that serves as my release for all the burden I’ve been carrying. It also serves therapeutic for me that I’m working kasi kung wala akong ginagawa masisiraan siguro ako ng bait. I’m also blessed that I have my school so if I don’t have tapings, I’m focused on that. I have a pre-school, which now has a grade school until the fouth grade, so I’m also busy with that especially if I don’t have work. And even if I have tapings, I make sure that I go to the school since it’s really near our house, just two blocks away.

What gave you the strength to continue taping for your soap when you were supposed to be mourning?

Because “Heredera” was my family. When we started taping for that, my husband was still okay. They actually did not know about my situation because I didn’t want to cause problems with the production. ‘Pag pumupunta ako sa taping, masaya, as in walang bahid ng anything. When they found out, parang ‘Oh my God, bakit hindi mo sinabi sa amin?’ I told them it was the only place for me not to think about it and just do my job. It was where I could enjoy and have fun, kasi pag-uwi ko, yun naman din yung haharapin ko. Then it came to a point where he was rushed to the hospital and I had to leave taping. Dun lang talaga nila ako nakitang umiyak ng umiyak. It was Thursday that I brought him to the hospital. Hindi na daw okay, but of course, I was in denial. I thought, it was just one of those days that I brought him to the hospital, kasi labas-pasok na kami noon eh. Tumawag na ako sa executive producer (EP) ko na kung pwede kontian na lang yung mga eksena ko bukas kasi nasa ospital kami. But I was planning to tape kasi ayokong mag-pack up, ayokong maging cause of delay. But our EP decided to pack up. Friday morning, he passed away. And I was the only one who was there. Tuesday he was buried. Friday, I was back at taping. They asked me if I wanted to rest. Sabi ko, gusto ko magtrabaho kasi mababaliw ako. Kung hindi ko gagawin yun at magmo-moment ako, naku baka sa Mandaluyong na ako pinulot!

But did you allow yourself a time to mourn?

Yes. Ang moment ko palagi sa banyo o sa kotse. You know when someone dies, you don’t realize that right away. You feel the loss after two weeks. That’s what hurts the most. Yung kahit saan ka lumingon, wala. Gusto mong kausapin, wala. Tapos andiyan lahat ng gamit niya na parang nandiyan pa rin siya, pero wala. Prior to this, the worse I’ve been through was a break-up. When you break up with someone, you don’t talk to him, kasi pride mo yun eh. But if you come to the point na hindi mo na kaya, pwede mo pang tawagan at sabihing bati na tayo, tayo na ulit. You cry and you get hurt, but there’s a remedy. Eto, walang solusyon. Wala kang magawa.

What did you do?

Cry and cry and cry. This is what’s weird because I cry for a living. But in real life, I don’t want people to see me crying. Even my parents don’t see me cry. Unless if I can’t really take it anymore, I break down. Pero hiyang-hiya ako. That’s how I am. So kunyari, I feel that my emotions are starting to build up, takbo na ako sa CR, lock na ako ng pinto. Kung okey na ako ulit, labas na ako. I just have to have that moment to myself. Kunyari, my son asks, ‘Mommy where’s Daddy?’ Wu-walk out na ako. Ayokong maramdaman niya na everytime he looks for Daddy, umiiyak ako. He’s too young to feel that pain, and I don’t want him to remember that pain. Maybe if there’s one thing I’m thankful for, na kung kinuha man Niya si Anthony, hindi pa ganun kasakit para sa anak ko. (FREEMAN)