Charlie Sheen's horrific kill-off on Two And A Half Men

CEBU, Philippines - After months of anticipation, the world finally knows what killed Charlie Sheen's Two And A Half Men character Charlie Harper - and it wasn't pretty.

As the new season of the show premiered on CBS last night the curtain went up on the funeral scene.

And with every woman Charlie had ever had a serious relationship with sitting in the chapel, his new wife Rose explained what happened to him following his admission of cheating.

'I forgave him because I loved him unconditionally, so you can imagine my horror when the very next day he slipped on the metro platform and fell in front of an oncoming train,' Rose, who is played by Melanie Lynskey, said to the congregation.

'I just want you to know that Charlie didn't suffer,' she added.

'His body just exploded like a balloon full of meat.'

After the funeral, Alan, Charlie's brother is seen cradling the urn of ashes and talking to them, discussing what he is planning on doing with them.

'What do we do with you? I know what you said you wanted but I don't think Pamela Anderson will agree to swallow your ashes,' he says.

'So I thought we could scatter you on the beach. Where oiled up women can sit on you. Just like in life.'

After taking the lid off the urn and announcing 'no time like the present,' Alan makes his way towards the deck but is startled by Ashton Kutcher standing in the window, causing him to throw the ashes all over the carpet.

Enter Walden Schmidt - a billionaire whose wife dumped him causing him to attempt suicide in the ocean before ending up soaking wet on the deck of Alan Harper's Malibu beach house.

Within a short period of time Walden, aka Ashton, has stripped out of his wet clothes and is standing completely naked in the living room.

The two men, having bonded over the women who dumped them, decide to go out for drinks where they manage to pick up a couple of women to bring back to the house.

However in true fashion, Alan gets left behind and Walden gets both ladies to himself.

He then agrees, whilst hilariously still naked, that he is going to buy the house. (FREEMAN)