Silly girl friends in movies

I caught a suspense-thriller on DVD over the weekend. It was a remake of a Wes Craven film that was known for its horrible display of violence: The Last House on the Left. I'm on the hunt for the original film, because it's supposed to have pushed the boundaries of violence on film during its time. The 2009 version, despite having traces of the original film's flavor, suffers from having been released at a time when too much can be seen too fast in all forms of media. Nevertheless, it was still a good ride.

The Last House on the Left (2009) was produced by Wes Craven and directed by a young upstart, Dennis Iliadis. It stars Tony Goldwyn, Monica Potter, Garret Dillahunt, Sara Paxton, and Spencer Treat Clark. The film follows the story of the Collingwoods, Emma (Potter) and John (Goldwyn), as they struggle to survive the death of a son. They still have a daughter, Mari (Paxton), who seems to carry the burden of bringing the family back to life after the tragedy.

The Collingwoods go to their vacation home, and Mari asks to borrow the car to visit Paige (Martha MacIsaac), a friend who works at the local store. Emma doesn't like the idea, but Tony relents and hands his daughter some money. And you just know something's going to happen to the pretty young teens. That's inescapable formula for you!

Justin (Spencer Treat Clark) is shopping in the store, and Paige strikes up a conversation with him. It's a small town, and she knows a new face when she sees one. Somehow, the conversation turns to marijuana, and Justin promises to give Paige some. The next thing you know, the threesome is driving down to Justin's motel to get the pot. Mari, who seems to have a sensible head on her shoulders, keeps rolling her eyes at her friend, but she drives them anyway.

At this point, I am reminded of two things. One, that I have a best friend who also has a sensible head on her shoulders and only takes calculated risks. She would never allow me to enter a motel room with a guy I hadn't known for more than, well, thirty minutes, especially if it was to get illegal drugs.

Two, that other friend in the Luc Besson-written film Taken, Amanda, who decides to share a ride with a cute guy she just met outside the airport and promptly tells the bad guys where they live and who they're living with (uh, nobody). Sometimes, you just can't help but think that the stupid girls on film deserve what they get for being so stupid.

Here are the things I've picked up from film on “How Not to Be the Stupid Girl Best Friend.”

Don't let Leading Lady to take you some place unsafe. This means it's just not cool to invite your friend, especially if she's just vacationing, to hang out where natural disasters, monsters, serial killers, escaped convicts, and druggies are likely to hit.

If you do ask Leading Lady to bring you some place unsafe, don't leave her alone in the car. Natural disasters, monsters, serial killers, escaped convicts, and druggies are likely to find her, and nobody will be there to see her survive. Because you'll likely be in a place that's even more dangerous.

Don't make Leading Lady tag along as you go with a guy, especially if you just met him at least 10 minutes ago in movie time. He may be cute, but he's a bad guy. Especially if it's not a romantic comedy.

If you do ask Leading Lady to tag along with you a Cute Stranger, don't leave her to fool around with him. First, he may be cute, but he's a bad guy. Second, she's going to come checking if you're okay, because she's not leading lady for no reason.

Lastly, don't be in trouble, lose your head, and force her to save your life. Because she will try. If she succeeds, it may come at a great price (to herself, or to whoever will come to save her). If she fails, she'd be psychologically impacted for her entire life.

Of course, that last sentence is almost negligible in the universe of film. That'll make her a troubled beautiful girl and attract a really adorable, patient Leading Man.

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