"He's Just Not That Into You": Self-help or no help?

When the bestselling self-help book He’s Just Not That Into You came out in 2004, it supposedly helped millions of girls finally get their guys. I don’t mean get in a The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right kind of way. I mean get, as in, “to understand,” that, if he’s not going for you, it’s simply because he’s just not that into you. End of story.

Or not. Of course they just had to turn it into a movie—and one that, in effect, sort of subverts what the book is all about. With the movie He’s Just Not That Into You, Drew Barrymore’s Flower Films does a pretty good job at turning the bestseller book into a blockbuster film, but fails at capturing the book’s liberating effect. It wasn’t hard to do this, given that the film is a work of fiction, and nobody wants a chick flick that doesn’t have a happy ending.

It wasn’t exactly a feel-good film—my best friend Sherwil, who has read the book, says it made her sad—but it still delivered a sufficiently marketable amount of celluloid fantasy of the same sort that got us girls into trouble in the first place.

The main message of He’s Just Not That Into You, the book, is that any guy who keeps you waiting (for a call, for a date, for a confession of eternal love, for a marriage proposal, and, in a specific context, for sex) isn’t worth waiting for, because you deserve someone who doesn’t make you wait at all. “Don’t waste the pretty,” co-writer Greg Behrendt admonishes women.

He’s Just Not That Into You, the film, spends a bulk of its 129 minutes presenting the same argument. The main guy and behavioral-expert-slash-bar-owner Alex (Justin Long) advices the main girl and serial-first-dater Gigi (Ginnifer Goodwin) on the ways of men when it comes to dating, sex, and love. As Gigi goes through one first date after another, he imparts nuggets of dating wisdom like, “If a guy treats you like he doesn’t give a s— it’s because he doesn’t give a s—.” and “If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.” and “An excuse is a polite rejection. Men are not afraid of ‘ruining the friendship.’”

The build up brings you through a series of, well, empowering moments—until it dishes out the notion of “the Exception.” If you’ve ever heard of a friend who knew of a friend who went through a hell of a bad time but still got her man, that’s the exception. Meaning, you, like most other women, are the rule.

Gigi, who you just can’t help but root for, eventually gets her man, too. In fact, the moment they get together dishes out the power line in the film: “You’re my exception.” And how did she get to that point? By reading “the signs,” as imparted by Some Kind of Wonderful and going through a bad time with the object of her affection. Girls being girls, this is the only “truth” that really registers. In fact, I think many of us left the theater thinking, “I can wait until he realizes I am the exception!”

The other stories in the film don’t stand out as much as Gigi’s and Alex’s, but they also explore other facets of love and relationships. There’s Neil (Ben Affleck) and Beth (Jennifer Aniston), who’ve been living together for seven years. He doesn’t want to get married, while she realizes she does. There’s Ben (Bradley Cooper) and Janine (Jennifer Connelly), who got married after college even if they weren’t ready. Ben finds himself drawn to Anna (Scarlett Johansson), who’s convinced Ben can leave his wife for her. There’s Conor (Kevin Connolly), who dates Gigi and does the disappearing act because he’s in love with Anna. And there’s Mary (Drew Barrymore), who’s navigating the techie dating scene and still finds love, with a little modern twist, in a coffee shop.

The underlying wisdom in all these little love stories is that there’s really no point in pushing the issue. There’s wisdom in waiting—that’s the big truth.

Unfortunately, in the girl parlance, that’s: He may just not be that into you now, but…