Are we there yet? Freak show

CEBU, Philippines - I’ve been following this tv series entitled American Horror Story since it started.   It’s currently on its third season and I find this season the most interesting yet.  This season’s storyline is about a freak show circus and its interaction with the small town nearby.  One may wonder what this has to do with motoring.  As the genetically disfigured characters in the series send feelings of fear and discrimination to the townspeople, so do the horribly altered motor vehicles that you see running in our streets.

As much as I’d like to appreciate this alteration called hella flush, I do not see the practicality of doing that modification to vehicles running along the pock-marked roads of the metropolis.  I understand that as long as daddy has deep pockets, it’s ok to camber your tires to ridiculous angles while lowering your ride height to the point that you can barely squeeze in a jack in case you suffer a flat tire.  But with all the bad roads and oversized speed bumps, going hella flush isn’t really doing your inheritance money any good.  Daddy’s going to be spending too much money repairing your car just because you want your vehicle to look ridiculous.

Speaking of looking ridiculous, there are also motor vehicles that have all kinds of stuff hanging off their exhaust pipes.  I’m not talking about vermin that got stuck on the tailpipe after the vehicle had to wade through flooded waters.  I’m talking about things like stuffed toys, keychains, and even mobile phones.  Those who sport this abomination claim it’s part of being JDM.  For the benefit of those who aren’t familiar with the term, JDM actually means Japanese Domestic Market.  That term has been loosely used to refer to aftermarket parts designed to conform to Japanese regulations and to suit Japanese buyers.  For some reason, hanging stuff off your mufflers, which certain Japanese car enthusiasts made into a fad, is JDM.  You know what else has a high following in Japan?  Pornography.

On the subject of pornography, have you seen the multitude of modifications owners of these multicabs do to hide the fact that they actually own pre-disposed clunkers?  From additional lights that rival that of the fanciest clubs, to bodywork attachments so ridiculous you’d wonder if it’s actually made for that specific model, their vehicles actually resemble porn stars who’ve had way too much cosmetic surgery.  And I’m sure, despite your vehement denial to your spouse that you don’t watch porn, that these are just as scary looking as the vilest of monsters in a horror flick. 

Now don’t get me wrong, I am all for improving the look of your motor vehicle especially if it comes in the usual drab factory specs.  But the key word here is ‘improve.’  Making modifications and alterations to your motor vehicle to make it look better, burn fuel more efficiently, and utilize aerodynamic flow effectively is the way to go.  But if you’ve made modifications to your vehicle similar to the idea of your neighbor’s 90-year-old grandmother getting a Dolly Parton upgrade, then you’ve gone off to an entirely wrong direction.

In hind sight, I guess it was a good idea for the transport office to massively increase the fines for unauthorized modifications.  Hopefully those fines would deter owners from turning their decent looking motor vehicles into freak shows.  But then again, who doesn’t love a circus? [email protected]