New Year Re-Solutions?

Since the Mayans had been sorely lacking in writing materials to chronicle future events past December 21, 2012, they decided to predict the end of the world on that date. Now that they have been proven wrong, every doomsday prepper who owns a motorbike is now on a mad dash to secure an ICC-stickered helmet.  The deadline to do so was set for December 31, 2012 – ten days after all their apocalyptic preparations will come to naught.

And since the world didn’t end on the date they predicted, I am also on a mad scramble to draw up a New Year’s Resolution list.  Now, I promised myself that with the coming 2013, I will turn over a new leaf.  With that in mind, here are my new year’s resolutions:

1. Love the two-wheels.  I will no longer write an article about scooter drivers who recklessly weave in and out of traffic.  Instead, I will praise their daredevil attitude and ingenuity in getting to their (final?) destination sooner than the rest of us.

2. Any helmet will do.  In relation to resolution number 1, I will adapt an ‘at least they’re wearing something on their head’ attitude.  Regardless whether it be a construction, bicycle, skateboard, or airsoft helmet, it is a helmet nonetheless.  I will leave it up to their ingenuity to fool the enforcers into believing that they are wearing an ICC-stickered, DOT approved helmet.

3. Express lanes.  I will turn a blind eye to every motor vehicle that will cross the solid center line in the pursuit of getting ahead of everyone else.  Heck, you can’t really blame them since the law enforcers themselves do it even on non-emergency situations.

4. Encourage government savings. I will start a campaign and encourage government agencies to save on the cost of purchasing vehicles by having them suggest to the dealers to remove non-essential, decorative ornaments like seatbelts, signal lights and early-warning devices.  I have yet to see law enforcers and other safety and protection departments make use of such devices.

5. All situations are emergency situations.  I will always give way to vehicles equipped with emergency lights and sirens, especially law enforcement vehicles, regardless whether it is a true emergency or when they’re trying to beat the 10 a.m., 2 p.m. or 8 p.m. deadline for the 3-digit lotto game.

6. As long as it runs.  I will not mind if the vehicle running on the same road with me is about to fall apart as long as the concerned government agency mandated to inspect and certify the roadworthiness of such vehicles are deprived of a good health care program specifically aimed at providing them periodic eye check-ups and a good set of eyeglasses.

7. Mobile parking.  I will consider monster traffic jams caused by having too many vehicles on the road (refer to resolution number 6) as the city’s way of increasing the number of parking spaces by utilizing existing roads as park-as-you-please spots for vehicles that are prone to breaking down (again, refer to resolution number 6).

8. Selective enforcement.  In the pursuit of improving government efficiency, I will encourage law enforcers to turn a blind eye to all government vehicles breaking existing traffic laws to get to their destinations at the soonest possible time.  By doing this, they (and those pretenders) won’t need to place “Government Project, Do Not Delay” signs on their vehicles.

9. Street legal.  Since it has never been proven to be a threat to the safety and well-being of all, I will deem street racing as truly legal since there is always a law enforcement group at the venue enjoying the spectacle.  If they aren’t arresting anyone, I presume it’s within the bounds of the law.

10. Keep my promise.  I will do my best to make sure that I will finally fulfil my promise and actually stick to any of the resolutions that I have made since I was born.

Happy 2013 Everyone!