Moto GPee'd

Last week, I wrote about the ten reasons why it would be very hard for Filipino drivers to earn a seat at the premiere class of four-wheel motorsports, Formula One. Just to make sure I won’t alienate our readers who balance their entire human existence on two wheels, I will list the reasons why Pinoy riders can’t get a seat on any MotoGP (the two-wheel version of Formula One) team. 

I will, however, only list down the top five reasons since some of what I wrote last week are applicable (like helmets, jumping the lights, etc). Plus they only have two wheels, so they only need half the number of reasons. 

So before the legions of motorcycle riders (and trust me we are almost at par with India on the number of moped riders that ply the streets everyday) form a massive lynch mob to replicate what the citizens of Carpathia did to their beloved Von Homburg Deutschendorf, here are the top five reasons:

1. Racewear. All MotoGP riders are required to wear the proper homologated racing suits to protect them during a race. A Pinoy rider wouldn’t mind wearing just slippers, a basketball jersey and a Spongebob helmet every time he rides his scooter.

2. Starting Line. A rider’s position in a MotoGP race would be determined by the time he set during the qualifying session. If he posts the fastest time, he starts the race on Pole position and the rest follow based on their best lap times. Each rider is designated a starting box on the grid with a number that indicates his starting position. A Pinoy rider would disregard that and slowly let his scooter creep up towards the front of the line, as close to the lights as possible so that he can shoot ahead of everyone else.

3. Rain. When it rains during a MotoGP race, riders have the option to go to the pit lane and change to bikes shod with wet weather tires. A Pinoy rider would never make it to the pit lane. He would ride his bike to the nearest skywalk or overpass and seek refuge underneath without even moving to the side of the road to give courtesy to those who will be passing by. And since Silverstone is the only circuit on the MotoGP calendar that has “the bridge”, the Pinoy racer will have to hope that it won’t rain everywhere else.

4. Music. MotoGP riders like Jorge Lorenzo puts on sunglasses with built-in earphones and music player before a race to help him focus on the race. A Pinoy rider would have a mini mp3 player and external speakers hooked-up to his scooter to blast out fiesta disco-type music with matching neon lights to boot. While listening to music isn’t illegal in MotoGP, keeping this playing the whole time and having flashing disco lights while you’re racing is illegal. 

And the most probable reason why Pinoys would have a hard time getting a ride with a MotoGP team:

5. Counterflow. During a MotoGP race, all riders drive in the same direction the circuit has been designed for, either clockwise or ante-clockwise. Going against the direction of traffic is punishable via a disqualification. When was the last time you didn’t see any Pinoy scooter or moped driver cross to the other lane and drive against the flow of traffic to get ahead? They even play ‘chicken’ with oncoming trucks just to see who’d blink! Guts we have plenty, but logic and common sense we sorely lack.

Aiming for an opportunity to participate in sports like MotoGP require a huge amount of discipline. Sadly, most motorists lack this trait. Until that time comes, we can just content ourselves with playing basketball. We seem to have been disillusioned enough to believe that our top commercial basketball teams are tall enough and skilled enough to be at par with those who play in the WNBA.