The need to connect

“Leave me alone… I just want some space… ”

I’ve heard that before. There are people who claim that they love to be alone. They probably don’t know what they’re talking about. You and I are not designed to function in isolation.

Everybody wants to be connected. Everybody wants to be liked. That’s why there’s so many of us who say, “Please ‘like’ me in Facebook.” The success of social networks is actually proof that people want connection, and that they want to be heard or, in this case, read.

As humans, we all share the basic needs of nourishment, shelter and a network of companions. There’s a strong desire within us to fill not just our biological but also our relational needs. Some people, in their longing for companionship, even fall into the wrong company and become involved in activities that don’t lead to their long-term well-being.

No one truly wants to be alone. Although we need to be by ourselves sometimes, being truly alone all the time would make us lonely and miserable. That’s why people who go to church and are involved in ministry work exhibit more joy and happiness in their lives.

We are relational beings. But many parents force their kids, bribe them and bully them into producing high grades without developing their people skills. The kids may graduate with academic honors, but with poor inter-personal skills. When this happens, these kids miss out on great opportunities for bigger and better success.

As I interact with successful businessmen and professionals, I’ve observed that most of them, if not all, have high people skills. Many self-made millionaires performed poorly in school, but they’ve developed their people skills, and these have helped them become very successful in what they do. These are the people who have realized that they can’t succeed alone, and that’s why they don’t function in isolation.

Connection is one of the absolutes of life. We didn’t choose it; it’s hard-wired within us. God has created us in such a way that abandoned souls will waste away and die. Our well-being depends on our ability to connect with other humans. It’s the same thing with business, careers and professions – those who don’t interact well with others, who don’t develop people skills, limit their chances for growth and success.

But here’s a warning: make sure that you’re in the company of people who would challenge you to become better. Check their moral character. Check their track record. There are people and friends who are wind beneath our wings; they help us fly higher. But there are people who are anchors around our feet; they drag us down and prevent us from succeeding. Scriptures say that “bad company corrupts good morals.”

Albert Schweitzer said it well, “In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.”

Do not seek to be alone. Seek to be useful.

(Develop your leadership skills, and spend two whole days with Francis Kong this April 25-26 at the EDSA Shangri-La Hotel, as he facilitates the well-acclaimed Dr. John C. Maxwell program “Developing The Leader Within You.” For further inquiries, contact Mae at 09228980196, or call 632-6310912 for details.)