When I was a little girl, I would wake up on Christmas morning incredibly excited to open presents which I got from Santa Claus and from family and relatives. Even in my earliest memories of Christmas morning, I always remembered a sense of disappointment – an adrenaline crash from the weeks and days of anticipation. Somehow, the gifts were never enough.
As I grew older, I realized that this was because no material gift could ever completely fulfill me, no experience could fully satisfy me and no person could wholly make me happy. There was always the longing for something else, something more. My Catholic faith teaches me that what my heart longs for is not a “what”; it’s a “who.” And since I began to become aware of this, I’ve gained more perspective in life.
This is what the season of Advent is for me these days – an outward manifestation of my heart’s deepest longing. And to be able to share this longing with the entire Church, to be able to voice it out loud in the communal prayers and to devote a season just for the waiting are great gifts. I am not alone in my longing anymore. And I don’t have to brush it aside either.
As the priest said in his homily on the first Sunday of Advent: “Don’t rush into Christmas just yet. Take your time waiting and preparing and longing.” I loved that he said that. He basically gave us permission not to rush into the joy of Christmas, as the supermarkets and Christmas songs would have us do. It’s okay to feel incomplete. It’s okay to be incomplete.
We celebrate Christmas because we are grateful for the gift of Jesus’ birth 2000 years ago. But we also celebrate Christmas because we remind ourselves that a greater Christmas is coming – one that heralds the end of suffering, injustice and chaos. One that will fulfill the deepest longings of our hearts. Jesus will come again. And this time, it will be forever.