Avoid name-calling

Some of us may not be aware that name-calling has negative effects on the child or the person we are addressing it to.

Take the case of a mother who confided that she has a problem with her ten-year-old daughter. The daughter doesn’t obey or listen to her, no matter what she says.  "She is so hard-headed. Although I must admit I  often call her “crazy”, “stupid,” and “dull.”  She revealed that she is now on her wits end on what to do because of her  daughter's disobedience.

When I talked to the child, she divulged that she is defiant towards her mother because she calls her name. "I never listen to  her every time she would ask me to stop playing or to study my lessons because of her name-calling. She often calls me crazy. I hate  being called crazy.”

Life coach Shem Gordon commented, “You’ve probably heard the saying, 'Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.' The problem is, when it comes to bullying and name-calling, this popular quote is not altogether accurate. In fact, name-calling is one of the most damaging types of bullying. Name-calling is harmful because it labels another person or attempt to define who they are. For instance, calling someone “fat”, “retard”, “nerd”, or any derogatory name chips away at the target’s self-esteem, self-worth, and self –concept. It also becomes increasingly difficult for the target to trust her perceptions about himself or herself.”

There are consequences when we name-call a person. Here are some as cited by Gordon:

•Erodes a victim’s sense of self. Overtime, name-calling and other insults can slowly eat away at self-esteem of the victim and he or she will no longer see himself/herself realistically. For instance, if a girl is regularly called “fat”, she may view herself as overweight even after she loses weight. This type of distorted body image is often the beginning stage of an eating disorder.

•Causes kids to compromise beliefs and values. When kids are insulted for having certain beliefs or values, this belief  may cause them to bow down to peer pressure. For instance, a teen is called a “goody”, he or she may try to shake this image by doing things against her belief system and values to prove that she is not always “ good.”

•Opens the door to violence. In severe cases, bullies who call others names often will act on their anger and lash out in a physical way. In fact, many hate crimes begin with name-calling. Never ignore name-calling. Instead, if your child is being called names at school, bring it to the attention of the teacher or the principal.

•Encourages internal criticism. Name-calling often leads target to take on the name as reality. As a result, they begin to criticize themselves instead. For instance, if a person is called a “loser”, then  when a mistake is made, their internal voice will learn to call them a “loser”  as well. The problem is that this  inner voice is hard to switch off and it’s not very objective.

•Affects mental health. Name-calling can have a serious consequences on mental health. In fact, researchers feel that it is one of the most damaging bullying. Some victims may become depressed  and they feel that they are worthless, helpless and out of control. Some may even contemplate suicide.

As a final shot, an unknown writer says, “ Our tongue can either uplift an individual or puts him down.”

***

Email: kathey_oyson@yahoo.com.