Teaching kids to care for others Last of two parts

CEBU, Philippines - As children grow, their social circles are likely to increase and they get to encounter different situations that require them to respond and even make crucial decisions. Hence, it is important that parents are there to guide them and make them understand how relating with others can greatly affect their life’s direction in the future.

Here are more tips on how you can help your children become better persons:

Teach basic rules of politeness. Good manners are a great way for your five-year-olds to show care and respect for others. “Please” and “thank you” are phrases they should use automatically. Explain that you are more inclined to hand over her sandwich when she asks for it politely and that you do not like it when she orders you around. Say “please” and “thank you” regularly to your child and to others, and she will learn that these phrases are part of normal communication, both at home and out in public.

Don’t use anger to control your child. Though it is easy to get upset when she sneaks the candy you told her not to eat before dinner, try not to use anger as a tool to manage her behavior. “When you say, ‘I’m really mad at you,’ children shut down and withdraw,” says Jerry L. Wyckoff, a psychologist and coauthor of Twenty Teachable Virtues. Teaching by instruction and example is much more effective, although it’s important to let your child know you are disappointed. Instead of getting angry, take a moment to calm yourself down. Then say firmly, “I know you wanted that candy, but it upsets me that you ignored what I told you. Now you would not be allowed to have dessert tonight.”

Give your kindergarten jobs. Research suggests that children who learn responsibility also learn altruism and caring. Five-year-olds can take over simple jobs, such as feeding the dog or clearing the dinner table. Do not forget to pile on the praise for a job well done and point out that your child’s actions benefit everyone: “Thanks for remembering to set the table. We’re all really hungry and you’ve helped us sit down to dinner a lot faster.”

Ask her to think of others. Each day is full of opportunities to remind your five-year-old to think about how someone else might feel. It is simple, say you are in the grocery store and your child asks for some cookie. Say, ‘Sure. Now, do you think your little sister would like us to bring home a treat for her?’”

Pay attention to your child’s social life. Asking specific questions about people in her daily life reinforces the importance of social relationships and treating people well. Questions such as “Who did you play with at recess today?” and “What did you talk to Jose about at lunchtime?” can lead to discussions about treating others with respect and kindness.

Involve children in charitable activities. Acts of kindness and charity are an excellent way to teach her empathy. When you take a meal to a sick neighbor, let her help plan the menu. She can also choose some of the toys she’s outgrown to give as well. Explain that sometimes people need extra help, do not have the basics that they need, or would just feel happy to receive a sign of appreciation.

Expect the same behavior from boys and girls. Our society commonly considers men to be less empathetic than women. So sometimes, even without realizing it, we demand and praise empathetic behavior less often in boys than in girls. As Wyckoff says, “We set up this ‘boy code’ that goes on and on throughout their lives — ‘I gotta be tough.’ But if we’re careful to teach them, boys can learn empathy just like girls.”

 (FREEMAN)