Don’t worry about what people say

Are you one of those who are always concern of  what other people say or think?  If so,  according to an anonymous writer,  it’s a sign that you  may lack self-esteem because you always try to please people --- doing whatever they  want you to do.

Take the case of a teenager who could not help but talk back to his mother because the latter was very concerned on how he dressed up. He said, “Mom when are you going to stop thinking on what other people say? What’s wrong with my attire? This is my taste. If I don’t come up to what they expect me to do, that’s their problem, not mine. As long I don’t owe them a living or step on other’s  toes, I don’t care what they think!”

I too believe that being always concern of what people would say or think can take a toll in our happiness and joy in life. If one acts according to the commandments of God or within the norms of society,  or does his or her obligation  as a responsible person, then he or she owes no one. He or she doesn’t have to please anyone. 

Kali Munro, a psychotherapist,  asked these questions,  “Do you have trouble saying ‘No’? Do you do things just to please other people? If your answer is “ Yes,” then you are a people pleaser.  You are always thinking of other people’s needs before  your own. Do you think it’s about time that you change your perspective?  Take control of your life and not  let others control you.”

The wikihow.com and Munro cite some ways where one can be in the right direction and be in control of  one’s life:

Stop over-thinking. Although this may sound harsh, you are not the most important person in this world, at least not to everyone. So stop judging yourself.

Put things in perspective. People who are obsessed  on what others think tend to put issues under the microscope. It’s like seeing the tree but not the forest. Whereas, people who are not obsessed about what other people think tend to look at the big picture. You only get one chance in life; are you going to allow other people’s thoughts influence you?

Practice saying “No”. This is a very important word!  Say it often as you can; just to hear the word comes out from your mouth.  Practice phrases like, “No, I can’t do that.” Or, “ No, I don’t want to go there.”

Stop saying “Yes.” Try to pause or take a deep breath before responding to someone’s request by saying, “I need to think about it first, then I’ll get back to you.” Or, “Let me check with my schedule first, and I’ll call you back.”

Accept yourself for who you are. Understandably, accepting yourself is not the easiest thing to do. Everyone in the world is filled with some kind of doubt, so it’s all about how you manage it.

In the same light, an unknown writer has his own way in dealing this perspective: Here are his suggestions:

*Be yourself.

*Be happy with what you have.

*Don’t push yourself too hard.

*Focus on those things that are more important.

*Whatever you do, people will always have something to say.  Hence,  Eleonor Roosevelt has this to say, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

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Email: oysonkathy@yahoo.com.