We all went to the retreat for a reason and emerged from it with a purpose.
It isn’t just those who make decisions of national consequence that need discernment. In the crossroads that is midlife, my classmates from the Assumption Convent and I found ourselves in a weekend of spiritual soul-searching at the Caleruega Retreat House in Batangas as some of us grappled with empty nests and emptiness.
That’s what former classmates are for, really — to organize crazy night-outs and sobering retreats. We even requested that two former Religion teachers — Cory Villafania and Marilen Reambillo, who are both powerhouses of spiritual knowledge and light, facilitate the retreat for us.
I craved for enlightenment on an important aspect of my life when I packed my bags for the overnight retreat. Others were experiencing a spiritual drought despite a downpour of blessings both in their professional and private lives. Others had an almost perfect life but wanted to do more for others. Some were looking at the after-life and were wondering if they should start preparing for it (so mid-life, we were told!).
One grateful classmate, a cancer survivor, simply said she was in the retreat because she wanted to “remember the miracles” in her life. That particularly struck me for we all are recipients of miracles every day of our lives. Waking up each morning and feeling the gentle sunlight on our face is in itself life-altering. Others don’t wake up at all. But when we go to sleep at night, do we remember the miracle of the previous morning?
Another grateful classmate, who was already familiar with the retreat, said in a choked voice she simply wanted “to give back” — that’s why she took time away from her family to attend the retreat and help the newbies along the way.
Be still and listen
Some of us were teetering on the verge of big decisions.
“Discernment is not the same as decision,” said Marilen. Cory reminded us that discernment comes with prayer. In other words, it comes when “ka-vibes mo ang Holy Spirit.” As you struggle to discern God’s will for you, how do you hear the Holy Spirit? Here’s a tip: “You must first empty yourself of that which is not in conformity with Christ.”
This was the third overnight retreat organized by my batch (HS ’79). I did not have the time or the purpose to attend the first two retreats. But when the time is right, when you want the retreat as much as it wants you, all excuses, valid or not, melt like butter in the sun. You will find time. Rather, it will find you.
Cory and Marilen quoted from the Bible and the teachings of St. Marie Eugenie (the Assumption’s founder) but they also allowed us to quote from Oprah. Some of the best quotes came from fellow classmates, who drew from a deep well of experience and enlightenment.
A classmate shared that when despondent people complain, “God is NOWHERE in our lives” they are actually in His presence. Because NOWHERE could just as easily mean NOW HERE. Just put a space between W and H and it becomes, “God is NOW HERE in our lives.”
It was this kind of openness, this free-flowing sharing from a group of mid-lifers that really made the retreat such a miracle.
So divine.
Being still
Before the retreat, we were given some homework. We were asked to answer the following questions: Who am I? Where am I right now? What do I hope to gain (from this retreat)?
These questions we should periodically answer whether or not we are on retreat because they keep the things that should matter most in life on our radar.
The retreat, held amid the lush Caleruega gardens, also kept us still, as if God’s gentle hands steadied us on our seats the way our teachers did in kindergarten. Because we all need to be still in order to move inward — and forward. We need to retreat in order to charge ahead.
Prayer could be an everyday life coach (no consultation charges here!). This takes less than 10 minutes. Pick up a Bible (for Catholics, The New American Bible is recommended) or the Bible-reading guides in Catholic bookstores (like 365 Days With The Lord by St. Paul’s Publications), and read the day’s reading. Read it a second time and then ask yourself: What is the phrase in the reading that strikes you? How does it relate to your present life? What is the Lord telling you through this phrase that struck you? What response does the Lord ask of you through the phrase that struck you? And finally, write the Lord a short prayer — and address Him in an endearing way.
Our weekend retreat treaded deeply on humility and “joyful detachment.” The latter is really detachment from that which has become your “idol” (material wealth, success, career, the perfect face and figure, etc).
To know whether or not you are doing something for yourself alone or for others as well, ask yourself these questions: Why do I do what I do? For whom do I do what I do?
‘Divine Tarts’
One of the best memories every Assumption girl has of her alma mater is what they fed her — spiritual nuggets as well as Assumption Tarts. The Assumption Tart, a concoction of the nuns, is a flaky pie crust topped with gooey guava jam. Our batch has christened itself “The Tarts” an acknowledgement of our sweetness (?), individuality and (occasional) sharp edges.
After our retreat, my classmate Lisa Mapua christened those of us who emerged from it as the “Divine Tarts.” We have followed up on our divine experience during the retreat with a prayer meeting last week, which will be followed by another in October. We have been encouraging and checking on each other, we who have been privy to the deepest prayers of the other’s soul.
For sure, we remain imperfect. But as we go through life together, we know we have each other, and we know we have God. And during the times when we feel God is nowhere, one divine tart will surely remind us that He is, “now here.”
(You may e-mail me at joanneraeramirez@yahoo.com)